HAVE YOU SEEN MY CHILDHOOD
In Memory of Michael Jackson
Alessandrina Lerner
Copyright 2010 by Alessandrina Lerner
Smashwords Edition
“Before you judge me, try hard to love me. Look within your heart, then ask, have you seen my childhood?”
M.J.
It took me 38 years to realize THAT
I was perfect and lovable just as God had made me...
I didn’t have to do anything else but be myself to be loved... 1,215,860,954 seconds of darkness will never dim the inner light that has been shining within all along...
no matter what they had said or done to me, I was always LOVE.
This book is dedicated to all the children of the world...
May it bring light and hope in the lives of those unfortunate ones whose parents never knew LOVE.
“Delve deeper, rise above, and spread the Love”
LET LOVE RULE
Table of Contents
Prologue:
To All The Children Of The World
Growing Pains:
Midnight
What Is It To Be Loved
Just A Kid
Daddy
Little Boy
Little Mommy
I Know Your Pain
Sista Love
You’re Beautiful
BeFallen Angel
Inner Reflections:
Have You Seen My Childhood
I Know Not That Body
Sweet Child Of Mine
Love Me
Through The Mirror
Dreams
Storm
Before They’re Divine
New Family
Self-Mastery:
Mended Pieces Of A Broken Heart
Love Child
Angelic Child
Be
To All The Children of The World
The Core Of Me
GROWING PAINS
Midnight
(To the Light, so that darkness may lift)
Miami Beach 2-25-2010
Midnight knocks not on doors
I know not that body
Awaiting for the surge
Of your duplicity
Midnight cries in the dark
Where I lie motionless
You come in unannounced
Compelling tenderness
Midnight comes to rob me
Of my integrity
It dresses in a robe
But it has no mercy
Midnight when I reject
Your multiplicity
Reaping the wrath of you
Assault and battery
Midnight possesses me
Evil ceremony
I pray for it to end
But it feels no pity
Midnight is my garden
Haven of misery
Where I can take refuge
In cries that lie blindly
Midnight I close my eyes
To your ethnicity
A too familiar scent
That breeds insanity
Midnight your sun is cold
To my shriveled body
Blood and salt mixes feed
Your eccentricity
Midnight when you retract
Your pain belongs to me
Scarring the heart of love
Through my heredity
Midnight, please hold my hand
I’m scared and I’m hungry
For your love in the dark
One that won’t punish me
Midnight knocks on my door
Doesn’t recognize me
As I melt through the floor
Deformed brutality
Midnight, please have pity
Now that you’ve murdered me
Find me a place of rest
Free of malignancy
Midnight tolls in the dark
Of my eternity
A land of brighter light
Delivered finally
What Is It To Be Loved
(To Love, because it is ALL)
Miami Beach 2-25-2010
All kids are wrapped in love
But I lie in the dark
Door painted black, detracts
Killing my inner spark
Imaginary lock
Uninviting blankie
No where for me to run
From your reality
What is it to be loved
Does it sound like a song
Can you taste happiness
What did I do so wrong
Does Love smell like a rose
Is that why it hurts me
As soft as a petal
I wish it felt like me
You break inside, the door
Collapse under the strike
Storm of anger raging
Within the Devil’s Reich
I curl into a ball
To protect my body
My mind becomes crippled
Under your battery
What is it to be loved
Does it sound like a song
Can you taste happiness
What did I do so wrong
Does Love smell like a rose
Is that why it hurts me
As soft as a petal
I wish it felt like me
I can hear the children
Laughing incessantly
Wonder, if I were them
Would my life be happy
Would I open the door
To see your smiling face
This one time hold a hand
In a human embrace
What is it to be loved
Does it sound like a song
Can you taste happiness
What did I do so wrong
Does Love smell like a rose
Is that why it hurts me
As soft as a petal
I wish it felt like me
As I open my eyes
Face deformed by anger
I can’t hear anymore
Of the sounds of laughter
The room is dark and green
Sounds of the march echo
The giant spreads the fear
But I’ve left long ago
What is it to be loved
Does it sound like a song
Can you taste happiness
What did I do so wrong
Does Love smell like a rose
Is that why it hurts me
As soft as a petal
I wish it felt like me
I look at my body
Outside, I will be safe
Denial shelters me
A heaven for the waif
I look into his eyes
I know he can’t see me
Madness possesses him
Beyond monstrosity
What is it to be loved
Does it sound like a song
Can you taste happiness
What did I do so wrong
Does Love smell like a rose
Is that why it hurts me
As soft as a petal
I wish it felt like me
Through the tainted window
Where you play your blackmails
I see bikes strolling by
Perfect family tales
The signs of tender Love
That I cry hungry for
Ideal father figure
Yet it’s you I adore
What is it to be loved
Does it sound like a song
Can you taste happiness
What did I do so wrong
Does Love smell like a rose
Is that why it hurts me
As soft as a petal
I wish it felt like me
Standing over the edge
Where I fight for your life
Desperate tears mirror
The torment of your strife
I hang onto your legs
For now I’m on my knees
Begging for you to see
The light within, my pleas
What is it to be loved
Does it sound like a song
Can you taste happiness
What did I do so wrong
Does Love smell like a rose
Is that why it hurts me
As soft as a petal
I wish it felt like me
A hundred faces frown
At your insanity
But I have no judgment
Cos’ you are my daddy
You scream, “no one loves me”
My tears say that’s a lie
No matter what you do
You are my reason why
What is it to be loved
Does it sound like a song
Can you taste happiness
What did I do so wrong
Does Love smell like a rose
Is that why it hurts me
As soft as a petal
I wish it felt like me
The smile of passersby
They don’t recognize me
How could they know the fate
Of inbred misery
The deluded sorrow
In which I agonize
Fate of many children
Buried beneath their lies
What is it to be loved
Does it sound like a song
Can you taste happiness
What did I do so wrong
Does Love smell like a rose
Is that why it hurts me
As soft as a petal
I wish it felt like me
When the police arrives
I ask, “will you save Thee”
They push me to the side
A besieging army
1,2,3, there’s no pulse
Draw the machinery
I watch in the distance
Praying, “Lord, have Mercy”
What is it to be loved
Does it sound like a song
Can you taste happiness
What did I do so wrong
Does Love smell like a rose
Is that why it hurts me
As soft as a petal
I wish it felt like me
Sirens wail in the night
Where you abandon me
Treading white corridor
Of your insanity
I’m not sure how to feel
Relief, anxiety
Will you be coming home
Or will your ghost haunt me
What is it to be loved
Does it sound like a song
Can you taste happiness
What did I do so wrong
Does Love smell like a rose
Is that why it hurts me
As soft as a petal