Not Myself
Poetry From the other Side of Me
Published by Elsha Hawk at Smashwords
Copyright 2010 ElshaHawk
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
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Size Matters
Sunny Day
Where Poets Come From
State of the Union
Soul Mate
Friends: Not the TV Show
I Believe
Ode to Peaches
Ruthie May
You Said
Behind the Door
Ignite Jealousy in the Halls
Wilted Flower
Revenge
Favorites and Fears in One Song
Shower Scene
Missile
One Hit Wonder
However
Hostile
Not Myself
Giving Up and Letting Go
Little Brother
The Place Between Asleep and Awake
Missed Opportunity
your
alarm clock went off and your body said “sleep”
your coffee
spilled all over your feet
your shirt was buttoned one button
off
your dog chewed on one of your crocs
your great idea went
up in smoke
your muse slept in and never woke
your lunch was
stale and still half frozen
your lotto numbers weren’t
chosen
your movie date was postponed
your battery died on your
cell phone
your dinner burned a charcoal black
your athlete’s
foot is coming back
your ebay auction never sold
your enemy was
just paroled
your mail was all ‘return to sender’
your
heart is ready to surrender
your head hit the pillow, finally
your
nightmare stung you like a bee
your sheets are soaked through with
sweat
your day hasn’t gotten better yet
your clock strikes
midnight, all is calm
your new day starts, a soothing balm
I
could reach the second shelf in the cabinets
I could dunk a
basketball
I could write at the top of the chalkboard
I
could hoist a child on my shoulders for a better view
I could shop
in the Misses section
I could drive all models of vehicles
comfortably
But
I’d have a good view of the dirt on top of the fridge
I’d have
to duck under low door frames
And people would always ask me to
get things down
I
would miss being able to rescue a terrified kid from the McDonald’s
Playland
I would miss reaching into small spaces
I would miss
climbing onto the roof of the van to strap down luggage
I
couldn’t rest my head on my hubby’s chest near his heart
I
couldn’t fit in the tent with my kids
I couldn’t grow anymore
anyway, so I guess,
I’ll stay short
Do
you remember
Chasing the clouds away?
All we really needed
Was
a sun-ny day!
You
and I
We’re the best of friends
You and I
Know where the
sun lives!
We
ran and ran
Sang loud and long
We found the sun
There all
along!
Do
you remember
Chasing the clouds away?
All we really needed
Was
a sun-ny day!
You
and I
Were never alone
You and I
Vanilla ice cream cones!
We
grew and grew
Fought and made up
We loved and lost
In time
we forgot
Do
you remember
Chasing the clouds away?
All we really needed
Was
a sun-ny day!
You
and I
We’re the best of friends
You and I
Know where the
sun lives!
Do
you remember
Chasing the clouds away?
All we really needed
Was
a sun-ny day!
Where Poets Come From
Behind
the gossamer curtain
Beneath the azure veil
You’ll find a
quiet beauty
In exquisite detail
You’ll
hold your breath to gaze upon it
You’ll take in the scents with
your eyes
The scene beheld is beyond words
Sweet music touches
the skies
Poetry
is wild here
Growing hither and thither
There inside this
hollowed ground
A single flower withers
The
dried petals wisk away
And a tear is shed for its loss
That
single drop ingredient
Births a poet from the moss
What’s
up with people?
Don’t know how to play nice
Whining to the
boss
‘Bout your petty price
How you don’t like so and so
So
you want them canned
Fired
Expelled
Cuz
the World
Revolves Around You
It’s
a frickin’ pissin’ contest
You want to always be right
You
give no examples
No reasons for his plight
Fired
Expelled
Cuz
the World
Revolves Around You
Corporate
america
Is not based on work
Not based on Ability
Nor
skillz like a clerk
It’s a popularity contest
Impress,
Dressed the Best
And you’ll excell
But do what you’re told
and you’re
Fired
Expelled
’Cuz the World
Revolves Around Them
You
know what T-shirt I like best
My favorite color too
And when I
cry silently
You know exactly what to do
You
know when it’s my birthday
The right amount of fuss to make
You
feel so happy for me
Every triumphal step I take
When
I’m being stupid
You’re not afraid to tell me
When I’m
working through it
You guide me very gently
At
times when I break down
You try to calm the storm
Time changes
things outside
But together, anywhere is home
It’s
not the feelings I show outside
But the ones behind the eyes
That
really matter to a soul mate
Connected by strong ties
You
know when to push me
You know when to pull
I needed you for so
long
To make my heart feel full
Sometimes
I take you for granted
Forgetting about times gone
Before my
heart was content
Before you brought the dawn
So
this is a reminder to me
To make each day with you
A picture
perfect Hallmark moment
Before our time is through
I
could never love another
The same as I do you
Who could know me
as well?
No one, Soul Mate, but you.
Friends: Not the TVShow
Friends
Not
the TV show
The people you know
Who
care about you
And your life
Friends
Who
love you anyway
Fight for you any day
Who
argue with you
And take offense
Friends
Who
come back and say
They still love you anyway
And
your friendship grows
Much deeper
Friends
May
live near or far
Would take boat, train, or car
To
see that you have
A good day
Friends
More
valuable than gems
Worth more than the world of men
Because
they love you
As you do them
I Believe
I
believe in rainy days that soak in deep to nourish at the root
I
believe in rainbows of paper butterflies swaying above my head in
childish glee
I believe in ice cream sundaes that melt fast in the
sun leaving sticky puddles of joy
I believe in harmonies that make
angels weep for their beauty
I believe in vanilla and lavender
bubble baths of pure silent bliss
Peaches
soft
and fuzzy
yellow mixed with orange
Peaches
when
underripe
are hard and bitter
Peaches
when
overripe
are soft and messy
Peaches
when
just right
are sweet and juicy
running
down your chin
drops of succulent bliss
round, full, fruits
waiting
for you to bite in
“I’m
too tired to write today,”
Said Ruthie May to her teacher.
“I
was up all night,
Mom and Dad had a fight!
Dad had a lesson to
teach her!”
“I
hid under the covers and cried.
Dad found me and said I was
dreamin’.
He tucked me in,
covers up to my chin,
But I
stayed awake through the screamin’.
“They
argued and fought all night.
They broke dishes and threw
chairs.
But I was okay,
My room’s far away,
I just
listened under my teddy bears.”
Ruthie
May walked to the school nurse.
She laid down on a thick foam
cot.
They woke her for lunch,
On pizza she did munch,
Then
by the counselor she was sought.
Her
story went into a report.
She begged her Mom and Dad not to
know.
Then went back to class,
With a written hall pass,
And
gathered her work to go home.
That
night red and blue lights danced
Across her wall as she quietly
stared.
A cop carried her out.
Silent tears began to
spout.
Ruthie May pretended not be scared.
You
said my eyes were like diamonds;
I smelled alluring
You
said my first date was also yours;
I looked ravishing
You
said you’d only kissed once before;
I was your soul mate
You
said you’d never look at any other;
I was all you needed
You
know what?
I’m so glad you speak truthfully!
You
are my best friend;
Always will be!
I’d
passed this wall
A million times
As I wandered in the dark
Never
before
Had I noticed this door
The crack below lit with light
I
pushed upon it
See if it would budge
Still unsure if I wanted
to go
The
door swung
Too easily it seemed
Too good to be true as well
I
knew at once
This was my home
Where I was meant to be
“That’s when I saw them, her arm wrapped around his waist and a smirk of pure sass thrown back over her shoulder, daring the school to challenge her conquest of the King.”
Robbed
of moisture, the flower droops.
Light petals once soft and
pliable are now brittle and dry.
The bright color long faded to
dark hues of its former glory.
Gravity pulls the weighty head
down and tugs petals loose from the stem.
The flower is spent.
Dry crumbly flakes fall like tears, forgotten memories of days
past.
Such
a short existence,
fleeting beauty,
gone before its time,
plucked,
fragrant,
then spoiled.
What
does the flower think of itself?
Is it proud to have given itself
for a cause?
Or does it feel its life was wasted and cut short?
Gravity
pulls the weighty head down and tugs petals loose from the stem.
The
flower is spent.
Revenge
Locked
and loaded
Cradled in my arm
No time for apologies
Only your
harm
You stole my girl
Took her in my own bed
Steel cold and
hard
Pointing at your head
No time for words
Trigger finger
itchin’
Hear her scream
See your body twitchin’
Brains
on her face
Blood on the covers
Revenge is sweet
Breaking up
two lovers
Favorites and Fears in One Song
Gables
on houses
Gazeboes in gardens
White calla lilies
And long
picket fences
Rainbow
like scales on saltwater fish
These are a few of my favorite
things!
When
the tires pop,
When the wasps sting
When a twister comes,
I
simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad!
Post-it
note papers
Comp’sition book pages
Pen and ink doodles
For
more inspiration
Dolphins
that swim with the moon on their fins
These are a few of my
favorite things!
When
my stuff breaks
When I cough and ache
When I’m feeling sad,
I
simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feeeeel
sooooo baaaad!
Shower Scene
Rush
of water full of noise
cascading, ricocheting, refracting
Wisps
of vapor curling high
Blurring, obscuring, enveloping
Fresh
clean scent of Ivory soap
Wafting, invigorating, enticing
Single
translucent shower curtain
revealing, concealing, alluring
Sharp
intake of breath escapes
unnoticed, uninhibited, desired
Still
Quiet
I felt a rumbling
Awake
Light
I was born into the cruel world
Flying
Fast
I have a singular purpose
Controlled
Directed
I aim for my goal, unwavering.
Target
Impact
I feel nothing as I leave this world
Heat
Explosion
And my short existence has made an impact
Justified
Satisfied
Though others may hate my life, not understanding, it was mine to live.
Never
gonna be another one hit wonder
Gonna tear the world records all
asunder
Gonna
tear the roof up off this place
Gonna hear my name shouted out
from space
Others
may think they got the groove
But only one writer comes up smooth
Swift
with the talkin
Quick with the walkin
Climbing
up charts
Winning up hearts
You
boys so nasty with the bellyache’n
Give’n me fits and start my
headache’n
I’m
gonna tromp and tread
Climbing over your head
On
my way up outta down here
Cleaner air up in the atmosphere
Moving
to the top
I just can’t stop
Never
gonna be another one hit wonder
Gonna tear the world records all
asunder
Gonna
tear the roof up off this place
Gonna hear my name shouted out
from space
All
this bellyache’n won’t get you there
Clear my headache’n up
above your stare
Lookin’
down at you from my throne on high
No pity for the fools who
bicker and cry
Zap
with lightning
Thunder frightening
Kissin’
Zeus, sharing with Hera
Olympus grooves to Elsha’s flare-a PEACE
I
put on a show, however no one sees.
A third of the earth is land,
however two thirds sea.
I
wear a sundress, however it might rain.
The soul is cloudy,
however the body feels no pain.
I
carry an umbrella, however the sun’s bright.
I wear clothes,
however my heart’s naked in broad daylight.
The
world goes round, however time is a line.
I love you, however you
can’t be mine.
Odd
is a feeling, however temporary.
Cold despises hot, however they
are married.
A
quandry, however a simple answer would do.
The mystery is solved,
however I haven’t a clue.
You
feel love, however it breaks your heart.
They will come back,
however they must depart.
Chickens
come first, however, so do eggs.
Life hatches plans, however death
sucks them away.
The
world goes round, however time is a line.
I love you, however you
can’t be mine.
I
think I’m going to explode.
I’ve got to get out of here, right
now.
The environment is making me claustrophobic. I can’t
breathe.
I am so upset I just want to scream.
But I can’t.
I’m
trapped in this tiny space.
There is so much me and it’s all
crammed in.
I can’t even move.
The anger is going to kill me,
boiling over.
I desire so much to get out of this sarcophagus,
this tomb, this shell.
To
be a locust, oh how I wish I were.
Surrounded by people who don’t
care, who don’t even know.
How I feel.
I feel everything and
I want out, NOW.
They can’t hear me, stuck inside here.
They
don’t know.
It’s
hopeless.
Why me? Why am I stuck here? Why now?
I just want to
be free.
Free to run, laugh, cry, free to speak, to be.
Again.
I
can’t even get these feelings out.
Set them free, forget!
It’s
really crowded in here.
I hate crowds.
Let me out!
Nobody
knows, no one can hear.
The twilight zone between my ears.
Don’t
know what happened
Woke up one day
Not myself
Didn’t
take a different form
Still my body
Just not me
Inside
I felt all wrong
Didn’t talk or act
Normally
Realized
I missed you
You made me hollow
Deep inside
I
wasn’t worried or scared
You’re still my friend
In my heart
But
I didn’t smile
Or enjoy life
Without you
I
wish you’d come back
Make it all right
Don’t know when
So
I can feel happiness
Experience joy
Have some peace
My little sister is growing up
And she is beginning to venture
Exploring life in her little world
Sure to find great adventure
Being the older, I'm overprotective
Being the younger is hard
It's like she's got two mothers to obey
Both of us have up our guard
But that's a mother's place not mine
I have to let her go
She's so much like me in my ways
I don't want her to be just so
I protect her from my flaws
I want her to excel
I push for her to understand
But she's younger, and can't tell
I'm just trying to help her
But I've got to step back
She'll fly on her own wings
Carry her own burdens on her back
How else will she be independent?
How else will she find the right path?
For I can't help her, but give advice
And advice is what she hath
How will she use it?
Will it help her to succeed?
I've got my own trials and burdens
I can't give to all her needs
So I'm giving up and letting go
The bird will touch the sky
She just may need no push at all
To spread her wings and fly.
Curious, sky blue, observers of the world
Dotted in the center with ebony spheres
Sometimes hold a shining light
And sometimes hold a sparkling tear
Tan leather big-bowed boots
Tread crammed with dirt and rocks
From countless hours of imaginative indulgence
Amidst all of the taken-for-granted things in nature
Freedom, enjoyment, ecstasy, crouching low in a hole
Amidst orange and black, dust covered, pastic construction toys
Dust covered himself and paying no mind
To the distractions nature provides.
Enraptured in play, constantly moving
Roughly textured, black, and bent
The thin limb from a tree, gripped in his hands
Holds and unseen purpose
Added to his motion, a centrepidal pole around which he rotates.
Enraptured with the tracks left in the dirt by toys
he watches the dust settle and his city develop
His machines lay foundations deeper than the eye can see
Where no knowledge will ever enter to discover
The base of all his reasoning
The sun shines calmly,
The breeze blows leaves across the yard.
Fallen leaves lifted by breaths of air
Seem to carry with them dreams to the clouds.
The Place Between Asleep and Awake
In
the darkness I dreamed of you
Your presence upon my shoulders like
a mantle
Comforting and warm, sitting near
When
I woke you were not there
The loss of the soft friendship
shawl
Left cold in the depths of my soul
I
wondered what you were doing this day
Were you sleeping in, head
buried under the covers
Or were you waking and stumbling like me
In
the mirror I saw a blurry scene
Like drowning in a pool of smoke
and ashes
The me reflected felt unworthy of your love
So
I brushed the dreams away
Washed them down the drain with my
shampoo bubbles
But I couldn’t help thinking of you all day
Would
your real presence be like my dream?
Your voice as smooth and your
eyes as full of me?
Life is only perfect in the early morning
quiet
There
he stood
On the verandah
Looking for his date
There she
stood
In the parlor
Nervously scouring the place
His
best friend
Comes out to chat
Invites him to a game
She
nods and greets
Looks about the scene
Thinks he's not in this
space
Deep bass booms, but not his heart
As he glances
back
He missed his chance
She is with another guy
She
takes the arm
The two begin to dance
Heartbroken, he loses
the game
Prepares to leave
The dark sky brings rain
She
sways and sighs
This is not the guy
For her love, her eyes
strain
Connect with Me Online:
Twitter: http://twitter.com/ElshaHawk
Writing Blog: http://moonlitnotesbyelsha.blogspot.com/
Personal Blog: http://wellintentionedindecision.blogspot.com/
Happiness Journal: http://dailyspoonfulsofsugar.wordpress.com/