Happy Fat Children and Protein Enhancers
By Tom Duckworth
Published by Philistine Press at Smashwords
Copyright 2010 Tom Duckworth
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
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Contents
Preface
1. N.Y.C. con
2. Cut-out hero
3. End tune
4.
The plane went Bang!
5. The playful distractions of the
mind
6. Happy fat children
7. Rectal squelch
8. If I were
a tree
9. Halve thy sons
Original
text
www.philistinepress.com
Preface
Dear
Reader,
In many ways the poems you will read in this
collection are gibberish nonsense! A rabble of words strung together
to make vague sense with the hope that you will find some meaning out
of the background dribble. Thinking positive though, I have tried my
very best to piece together something thought provoking that I hope
will also satisfy the urges of any literate OCD suffers. To tell the
truth I often look through this work and rather than poems, I see
mathematical problems to which I have found a particular solution
for.
Originally,
I was going to call this book ‘poems not written by me’ because
many of them are anagrams or a selection of ‘other people’s
words’ arranged in such a way they have a new sense of
direction.
It
is certainly a wild adventure writing a poem where boundaries are in
place and I often find there is no of knowing where it will take you
until the very last letter is in place. It can certainly be
challenging but in some ways having limitations helps me; to portray
one's most untamed imagination through words, for me, would be an
impossible challenge and I envy people who can write with such
unrestricted brilliance and beauty.
I
hope you enjoy my book.
Tom
PS)
I am very fond of the game Scrabble.
N.Y.C.
con
House
is near,
lost in traffic layers
ceased in gear
O, this
dreaded rush.
Busses plod,
taxis go, alloys steer
GGGGGRRRRR
Move.
Cut-out hero
The queen stares! Across
checked land,
Religious service rechristened at her side
Castles,
limbs of stone, advance
soon shatter to ruled ruins
Sixteen
hooves fight,
clash, rider spirit fiery
Royalty rooting
sacrifice,
cop out & plot over coco
End tune
A
fly gaped, size of me bewildering,
He smiled too,
insecticide
immune
WallopP!
Um… gutted
The
plane went Bang! pvff cLK
Mourn, is lost to pebbled sands or oceans deep unknown
No! Unhorse that pilot and may his piffle be dethron’d,
judge me not as thine enemy,
for I fend hopes jaws of pity so my kings face doth awak’n
our
reap’r, aground.
The playful distractions of the
mind
To swim or not to swim
Is that the
question?
If it is I suppose the answer would be a ‘yes’
- So not to drown
Only an island insight now,
Not
my idea of an ideal getaway
But still, it is rather
peaceful.
Why is it this question that possesses my
thoughts anyway?
Memories of a not so distant high school
no doubt.
English with William,
How I miss your
majestic free flowing prose now – ha, yeah right.
Come
on! Focus
The
answer is still ‘yes’ - so not to drown.
If I were an
English Renaissance villager,
A mere peasant amongst nobles,
It
is without question I’d be suspected of witchcraft one of these
days.
Perhaps for my measly education providing me with, for the
time period, extensive knowledge of science ‘n that.
You’d
have to atone that this becomes a very different question if on trial
for Satanism.
They say a true witch would float, when
immersed in a river or lake
But if your soul was pure, a
true Christian, you’d sink yourself like a stone.
So
would I swim? - They’d probably burn me at the stake if I
did.
Butterfly! Now there’s a crazy swimming
stroke.
The last time I saw a guy doing butterfly
he
accidentally hit a kid in the face.
Oh it was hilarious –
the kid was fine of course, except for a minor teary eyed nose
bleed.
He was a rather handsome chap come to think of
it.
I made it to the shore.
Avoided being
eaten by a shark, so that’s good.
Survived the blur of
watching shoals,
Constantly surfacing to pinch at all the
fleshy parts, of gruesome, dishevelled
bodies.
Once, they were simply remnants of the other crash victims
minding their own business, bobbing the ocean ceiling without a care
in the world.
They had no ambitions to become bloody fish
food.
Mother Earth you can be a cruel parent.
I
think I’ll repress these memories.
Happy fat
children
The sun, started a sunflower equivalent
that’s
energy services
always saturated in great colours,
cooking
naturally.
Potatoes ready for the harvest,
great tasting,
muddy. Farmers know best.
The individual potato a seed may be
and
we, the very fibre of seed.
Send us your best Sunday.
Walkers
pack logo bag before them,
the sun rains a dry flavour,
as
if the sun were dissatisfied
worked not, weather cool and
crisp.
The children with requirements
of daily sugar snack
wrappers
and sold packaged fat, packets of oil,
per flavour
per multipack
purchased from the department store.
“Crisps crisps
crisps!”
Lower in fibre, high in oil salted fat.
“Not
that flavour!” Sure, which ever!
Pack a daily bag, visit
your daily place.
So this multipack… contains lots of salt,
but
over our guidelines? No.
Is this it? Generations of
adults, women,
limited to enjoy nutritional food,
naturally
good, ingredients of seed.
They cook calories with salt to make a
sale,
artificial vegetarians and coeliacs
suitable for oils,
salt
who complains not about lower wheat.
Are your children
fat? Tell us why this is.
And calories watch the seed of
men,
people each and everyone together affected daily.
Exactly
what must we experience
to understand values?
Rectal
squelch
A student
struggles university.
Attending
lectures, googles glossaries
alien to sex.
A platter of
education for the mind, life’s fruit.
A nerved chin,
earplug
nerd… Ninny
& I,
Rich, otiose, ogling TV,
chromosome
XY
a stud
Google xxx, milf, fanny
Fcuk sometimes.
A Lead
smoker
Should I read a course colouring
maps…
or psychology?
Eat crap, orange
tarts
lectures… never!
Why take classes?
first
error, a learning ordeal
Fail a class → Retake.
The
church is my pub,
A rye in hand drug party.
If
I were a tree
If I were a tree
and the world was a forest, what would you be?
I’d
be the two lovers that carve their names in your trunk
The
morning dew that rests upon your leaves
The
thunder and lightning, but only the fork lightning; I like that kind
more.
A Hiker, and then I’d wee on
you
A woodpecker
A
bigger tree than you
A lumberjack
What
kind of tree are you? And what kind of forest is this?
I’d
be a rock on the ground, that’d be cool.
Dude,
you’re not a tree, go see a psychiatrist.
A
little spotted skunk scurrying around the woodland floor
A
tree hugger
I’d build a tree house in
you and call it my home
A talking
geranium
An insect stick – it’s a
stick that looks like an insect
I would say pecan tree...
dunno why, I guess because I love pecans.
Seriously
dude, a psychiatrist.
Are we talking
about a tropical forest, like the Amazon?
Because
I’d be the rain
so that every day at
a certain time I could constantly hit you in the face for two
hours,
that’ll teach you for writing
‘p o e t r y’… pansy.
But if it’s
not a rainforest then maybe slime flux (it’s a tree rotting
bacteria, six years with me and you’ll be dead buddy so watch
out).
I’d like to be a rock please.
If
you were a tree and I was a forest, what would the world be? A bit
weird, that’s what.
Halve thy sons
There’s
one letter k in the Lord’s Prayer.
Would you believe it? (I
would)
There’s going to be no similes in this poem that’s
for sure.
Oh, I’ve found another k…
You
probably wouldn’t have figured,
if I hadn’t
said.
Vivid Avatars (at the cinema) roamed over father’s
three-d time.
Some envy their made-up sands,
and
swan to engage wrongness (an afghan Iraq
war?)
Original Text
(See original photos at
www.philistinepress.com)
NYC con
Horseguards
Private grassed areas for the use of horseguards residents
only
Strictly no ball games dog exercising or cycling
Cut-out
hero
(Signs I pass on my way to work)
Heavitree road
police station
Exeter
Vehicle access
Do not secure bicycles
to the post in front of this door access required at all
times
Horseguards
Access strictly for residence & visitors
only
No through route parking for unauthorised vehicles
Halve
Thy Sons
Our Father who art in heaven
hallowed be thy
name
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done
on earth as it is in
heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
and forgive us our
trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us
and lead
us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil
For thine is
the kingdom
and the power and the glory
for ever and
ever
Amen
End tune
One pound
Elizebeth II
D G REG F D
DECUS ET TUTAMEN
PLEIDIOL WYF IM GWLAD
NEMO ME
IMPUNE LACESSIT
The plane went Bang!
Bank
of England
I promise to pay the bearer the sum of
twenty
pounds
London
for the govr and compa of the bank of England
E
ii R
D.H.F Somerset
chief cashier
pounds
jj
twenty
pounds bank of England
William Shakespeare
twenty
pounds
pounds
(William Shakespeare was the first historical
figure to appear on the reverse of the English 20 pound bank
note)
Happy fat children
//Start and ready
-> started and ray
//sunseed day -> Sunday and
seed
//whatever -> what and ever
Walkers Crisps
Walkers
ready salted flavour. not for individual sale. Potato crisps
SunSeed
naturally lower saturated fat. in multipack bag
Everyone
complains, About the weather, But at walkers, We’re happy, When it
rains
Lots of rain, Produces the best muddy potatoes, And we know
that great tasting crisps start with great potatoes.
The people
who understand this best are our farmers. We’ve worked with some of
them for 3 generations, years of experience mean they know exactly
when to harvest to make sure we always get the very best
potatoes.
Then we cook them in SunSeed oil which is naturally high
in mono-unsaturates and lower in saturates (the ones to watch)
This
pack contains () of saturated fat that’s () of your guidelines
daily amount and () of salt of your guideline daily amount () than
traditional crisp cooking oils
Guidelines daily amounts stated are
for adults and children over () years.
So enjoy good potatoes
whatever the weather.
This is a pack from a Walkers crisps
multipack and must not be sold separately.
Typical nutritional
values energy per pack/ protein. men women children
Carbohydrates
of which sugars(), Fat of which saturates(), of which
mono-unsaturates(), of which polyunsatrates(), fibre() sodium()
equivalent as() salt per bag, calories () fat ()
Guidelines daily
amounts
Calories(), Fat(), Saturates(), Sugar(), Fibre(),
Salt()
Average values for adults and children individual
requirements each day may vary
Best before ()
Ready salted
flavour crisps ingredients.
Potatoes, sunflower oil. Ready salted
flavour, acidity regulator, sodium dicetate, citric acid, flavour
enhancers, monosodium glutamate from wheat, disodium ribonucleotide,
salt, potassium chloride.
Suitable for vegetarians suitable for
coeliacs no artificial colours
If dissatisfied tell us why, where
purchased and send the packets and contents together with the
multipack wrappers to
Consumer services department
Walkers
snack food limited
Leicester
applies to uk and republic of
Ireland only
Your statutory rights are not affected
Visit us at
()
Packaged in a protective atmosphere, store in a cool dry
place. Walkers SunSeed and the SunSeed logo are registered
trademarks. The Walkers logo is a trademark.
Rectal
squelch
(signs on my journey to university and home
again)
Horseguards
Access strictly for residence &
visitors only
No through route parking for unauthorised
vehicles
Raffles hotel
All rooms fully en suit
With
central heating
Colour tv
And tea making
Off street
parking
AA
Keep dogs on leads
Exeter a clean city
Exeter
city council
Maximum penalty
Maximum penalty
Clean it
up
Horseguards
Private grassed areas for the use of
horseguards residents only
Strictly no ball games dog exercising
or cycling
Quadrangle horseguards
#########
For
more information about Tom Duckworth and Philistine Press, please
visit www.philistinepress.com