Moments
A Collection of Poems.
By Nil Pavlov
Copyright 2011 Nil Pavlov
Edited by Anke Schröder
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
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* * *
Dedicated to Anke
Thanks to :
My parents; for the never ending patience.
Anke; for turning my life upside down and giving me so much love and inspiration.
Daniel; for giving me space when I turned up being homeless in June 2010.
Karsten; for being there.
Everybody that gave
me hope and lessons along the way.
* * *
k
k
k
k
k
k.
.
Moments
The sound of screeching
train brakes.
Metal over metal, while those raindrops smash
against the window.
Slowly falling down.
A pink sky burns away
the street lights on a road so desolate,
and no camera in my
backpack.
It's the scent of standing on a roof and hearing how the
wind whispers through that lonely tree that grows on top of it,
with
a view far beyond the city limits.
The sweet taste of tiramisu
ice-cream, and how she curls her lips.
It's that rusty soda can
that hides for ages in the dirt.
And it takes ages to make food
above a fire, yet a second to lose a friend.
Watching how the moon
transforms.
Memories, those moments we take with us on our path.
Running through subway
tunnels,
finding peace down under, only to return back into my
mess.
I remember how we used to walk those tracks for miles,
laughing/cursing life.
Smoking herbs on top of buildings, hearing
gunshots in the streets.
Climbing walls, holes in my hands.
Blood
mixed with alcohol, at times my only friends.
How that glass
smashed through my arm leaving me with stitches, and those days I
lost my hope.
Those floors and beds in places we claimed to be our
own.
He told me "keep on walking", and I wonder: is he
still alive?
Memories, those moments we take with us on our path.
That New Year's Eve we
left each other cursing after a smashed bottle of booze.
We used
to drop freestyles in the park, and drink away the night.
It still
hurts me that you died, and left me here behind.
You put a mirror
up in front of my face, and showed me my own end.
I learned a lot
from your mistakes, and I hope you have your peace now.
You saw
angels in the streets, and now I see them, too.
At times not only
angels, black demon dogs appearing from the mist.
Chasing us like
crazy, and when lost, they came again the next day.
Some things I
cant explain.
Memories, those moments we take with us on our path.
As I sit here now broke,
I look back upon my life.
Thankful for the madness, and the
lessons I have learned.
I wish for something different, yet some
things do not depend on me.
No clear path to walk
like usual, hope that this works out.
I will always have myself,
my camera, my memories, and dreams.
The road, the tracks, the
rusted soda cans. Harbours full with ships.
The rain, the moon,
and those cities full with life.
One year left to freeze
my time, crossroads without end.
And in the end, the laughter and
the tears are always worth it.
Dreams, those moments that drag us through our past.
* * *
Crosses
How the wild flickering
shadows are dancing a cold orange dance on my wall.
The lights are
off, this way I can see better, with my eyes closed.
I can smell the cold. I
inhale it, and welcome it into my body.
A hollow heart filled with
love, it is flowing over, and it eats my soul.
Whispering... NO,
screaming with my mouth shut tight.
Desire of burning it away,
resisting harmful fire.
Do not stick your hand
into the flame. Do not stick your hand into my burning heart.
For
it will tear it apart, until there is nothing left.
All paint scratched away,
screeching sounds of metal and ringing bells.
Can you hear the
wind? It blows fierce upon these plains.
Those old stones,
forgotten loves, and missed chances.
A graveyard of dreams, filled
with wooden crosses for those unanswered cries.
* * *
.
.
..
.
reflecting bright
lights
as seen through dirty windows
looking for a cure
* * *
smiles and bright
sunlight
tender laughter far away
the smell of summer
* * *
red stains of
lipstick
empty glasses left behind
shape shifting beauty
* * *
entrances
unlocked
provoking infiltration
brand new ancient space
* * *
sometimes i wonder
about
myself, myself
who am i today
* * *
into the
soulscape
portals, ports, imported parts
aching open wounds
* * *
tree bark on the
walls
various unknown sources
black dogs whisper names
* * *
creating
content
the hand that writes these lines now
filling empty
space
* * *
thinking of the
past
headphones and leather jackets
watch the trains go by
* * *
gently turning
wheels
losing signals from above
a failed transmission
* * *
observatory
autobiographical
humiliation
* * *
purple magic
rain
walking circles in my head
stardust on my shoes
* * *
scratched reality
grey
skies and a playful wind
restless heart beat box
* * *
exposing
lifetime
reflecting paper mirrors
instant time machines
* * *
looking for magic
dusty
roads and rust
soap bells in the sky
* * *
mad tooth and
headache
lets drink some tea together
talking about life
* * *
reaching out my
hands
burning stone, streaming water
gently touched by life
* * *
rapid eye
movement
mind melting nervous breakdown
pressure on my teeth
* * *
it is such a mess
sitting
here in my window
smiling at the sun
* * *
broken lights and
legs
rare spaceships in the gutter
strangers laugh and stare
* * *
´.
burning down some
shit
not a single soul around
kicking rocks and dirt
* * *
towers made of
steel
highest point of the city
the wind blows through them
* * *
step by step
deeper
overwhelming sensation
swimming calms the mind
* * *
big and famous
squat
entrance point to a free world
no photography
* * *
some burnt down
ruins
nude self-shots in the shower
another haiku
* * *
passed, another
year
its my birthday now today
this year will be ace
* * *
eyes open
slowly
nine o'clock in the morning
processing daylight
* * *
staring at a
roof
disappearance of the light
how the night falls in
* * *
all these trees
don't move
staring into nothingness
sleep deprivation
* * *
learn to deal with
it
it's time to close this book
now it's time to go
* * *
.
trees and a tower
love
it how the trains go by
peaceful afternoon
* * *
empty dream
chamber
spider webs of dreamcatchers
protective gear heart
* * *
the darkness
falls in
how the wind blows through the trees
raindrops in my
eyes
* * *
need to disconnect
bury
my past somewhere
to let it go now
* * *
those things that
happen
we all carry stones within
a smile on my face
* * *
the sound of
freight trains
really want to run away
not a solution
* * *
his shoes are all
white
playing with his backpack
looking down unsure
* * *
perfect untouched
white
and those branches without leaves
an empty playground
* * *
the sky is
changing
the snow is disappearing
again a new day
* * *
blurry little lights
all
those highways full with life
silently pass by
* * *
black wooden
crosses
somehow always out of place
hanging upside down
* * *
a village,
nowhere
some gypsy music playing
not a single soul
* * *
rain falls on the
ground
the sad sound of violins
sand is in my mouth
* * *
man, madly
talking
sitting in front of his screen
dead conversation
* * *
waiting for
freedom
day by day i'm sitting here
i am wasting time
* * *
.
long walks through
the snow
seeking some kind of treasure
toes go numb and hurt
* * *
he sits on the ground
and
tomorrow a new home
things will be all good
* * *
his dog looks so sad
i
give him some chocolate
he makes me happy
* * *
he walks away
now
while his face looks distorted
he is breathing loud
* * *
blinking little
dot
nothing else seem to happen
rattling rumbling sound
* * *
.
a
blue candle burns
a day of recollecting
i have peace within
* * *
empty wooden
chair
the music of violins
perfect solitude
* * *
a broken
bottom
appears above all madness
dancing with demons
* * *
eating like a
king
no money in my pockets
cheap food from now on
* * *
vision half
crazy
cold white falls into my face
cycling in the snow
* * *
.
twelve hours of
sleep
when i wake up i feel dead
lets take a shower
About the author:
A young man currently
living in Bremen, Germany.
Spending his time with: Photography,
writing, reading, internet, cycling, geocaching, his Girlfriend,
playing, messing around, working at a callcenter, drinking tea, art,
wasting time, spending money, growing older, gathering possessions,
releasing possessions, breathing, laughing, crying, loving, hating
and eating, shitting and peeing.
Connect with me online:
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/sharingwhispers
My blog: http://sharingwhispers.wordpress.com
My Smashwords: http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/pavlovn
Facebook: Cloning Vlapov