Change of Seasons: Selected Poems
Jeremy C Kester
Smashwords Edition
Copyright 2009 Jeremy C Kester
Cover photograph Copyright 2009 Carla Martini and Jeremy C Kester
Cover Design by Jeremy Kester
All Rights Reserved
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Contents
Introduction
1. A Dream of Wind
2. A Drift of You
3. A Lost Symphony
4. A Picture of Paranoia
5. A Warm Cup
6. An Ocean Away
7. An Ocean Dream
8. Angel’s Tears
9. Blasphemy in Tongue
10. Canvases I Paint
11. Cascade of Memories Shower
12. Change of Seasons
13. Cold Waiting
14. Compiling Silent Want
15. Confusion
16. Daffodils
17. Dancing
18. Days of Younger Lore
19. Dreamscapes
20. Embers
21. Endless Dances
22. Falling for You
23. Gun Shots
24. In the Name of Electricity
25. Inner Beauty Reigns
26. Inspiration
27. Irregularity
28. Lessons
29. Loneliness
30. Memories
31. Mirror Image
32. Mix the Brilliant Colors
33. My Passing Moment
34. Night
35. Ocean Waves
36. Only Dream
37. Pigeons
38. Prayer of the Fallen Tears
39. Puddles
40. Quiet Sands and Oceans
41. Rain Drops
42. Rain Pouring Down
43. Rose
44. Sifting Sugar
45. Silent Meadows
46. Simple Desire
47. Solution Mix
48. Sometimes
49. Storm Surge
50. Take Flight
51. That Picture
52. The Staircase
53. The Unknown World
54. This Frozen Lake
55. Through the Hallway
56. Throwing Away
57. Trip
58. Truer Form
59. Wait Out the Day Ahead
60. Waltz
61. Washing Days
62. Whim
63. Wonder
64. Yellow Laces
65. Yucky Roaches
A Brief Note About the Author
Introduction
It was sometime in my early teens that I began to write poetry. It started as a scribbling of brief quotations, observations, and attempts at wit eventually growing into poetic form. I cannot pinpoint an exact date or even an exact poem that would effectively describe being my first time. For me there was no single defining epiphany that told me “you’re a poet.” It was a gradual slide into that role.
After nearly a decade and a half of writing poetry, I have assembled 65 of my favorites to show to the world. Some hold a deep personal meaning, like “Silent Meadows,” written for a classmate who tragically died during high school. Some, like “A Picture of Paranoia,” are deeply introspective. And like “Yucky Roaches,” many are light musings and were fun to assemble. “Yucky Roaches” in fact is a play of my phobia: roaches.
Please enjoy and I hope that maybe they inspire you.
****
A DREAM OF WIND
Breezes pass my heart good-bye.
Shall I follow and make a dream of wind?
These days that pass like breezes blow,
I shall like to kiss the day again.
Before the night falls to claim its folly,
Shall I surrender my dream to the rivers flow?
With wind carrying forth another cry,
A victim of a slow hearted good-bye.
For then the surrender should be swift,
As the wind follows forth my dream to be.
I surrender myself to the wind thus fold,
My heart carried to the lands I must travel.
The wind carries my heart from here,
To dreams of wonder and slightly less haunting things.
****
A DRIFT OF YOU
I drift along through Summer’s tears,
The glow a day long by my side.
And a face whispers through my fears,
That all pain I feel that I hide.
Clouds drift away as insects fly,
To a life I bid no good-bye.
A single trap of my heart will wander,
Away to a place none can tell.
That all feelings shall I put asunder?
So tell me why that for all I fell,
And in time another came?
Shall then I myself the soul I blame?
Continue the butterfly to winds of sleep,
And I to sleepless wonder,
So sing me a lullaby so humble and deep,
That I may sleep in the moonlit under.
And whisper of dreams to me,
So that a drift of you I may see.
****
A LOST SYMPHONY
The dirt in my eyes blinds me from real truth,
I live on day on day of wasted treaties.
And I squander the beauty left in front of me.
Clouds make oceans of white soft and sure.
While the birds are the fishes of the air.
I sing to them.
But none of them hear my beckoning.
If there were such things in life,
That make life worth living,
I have yet to discover rivers.
Cut a path and I shall deter.
I
do not really want to be happy?
As circles go round and straight,
So do the feelings I ponder.
****
A PICTURE OF PARANOIA
A picture of paranoia,
hanging on my wall,
I gracefully bow to it,
and bid it a bold farewell.
But this picture does recede,
retreat do I back to my former,
as the paranoia stares back,
and sends me a frown.
This cold, icy stare,
from fear of whatever crawls,
does this winter feeling form,
which no blanket can cover,
oh how I await,
for the summer feeling bold,
to come and chase the cold stare,
so that I may burn this picture,
and send it away for all.
****
A WARM CUP
I stand between fantasy and reality,
Waiting for the caffeine to leave me,
Waiting for the next cup to down,
Hoping that the creativity will stay,
The silence being the most feared of sounds.
So I create this world,
I stand still against my own flaws.
But I shouldn’t care.
The sounds of the stereo should keep me occupied.
At least for a little while.
Laziness, bashful behavior,
All fucking boring occupations,
All a bastardized portion of my being.
And still the coffee cup stays warm,
Beside me and this sorry excuse,
For doing absolutely nothing,
With this gift given unto me.
****
AN OCEAN AWAY
I would like to swim an ocean for a day.
To swim along in broken tears.
Floating that I shall not forget the fears,
That I hold so close and wander this way.
While silent thoughts whisper names to me,
And I lose myself in complexion.
Forever not shall these butterflies run,
But follow hearts and dreams they see.
So offer I this momentary longing.
Hoping to find solitude in a heart.
As stars and planets in worlds drift apart,
So shall I to you I hope it brings.
As gentle winds part my lips again,
Your voice is what I hear,
Please the river bends through this fear.
And our first kiss I shall remember then.
****
AN OCEAN DREAM
Is it my mistake to confuse you for a dream?
The days and lives we pass thus confuse,
my eyes to see the fog of dreariness sleep.
But your face I still see.
So send me a glimpse of your reality,
as the oceans continue to falter my state,
drifting in stones of softened water,
towards disbelieving my state of being.
Your face still drifts next to me,
as slowly I fall awake from you.
I don’t want this to be just a dream,
An ocean of moments unlived for true.
With these oceans I can defraud my real,
with trickles of the spray from tortured waters,
these thoughts leave me behind,
my craft slowly subsiding to truth.
The truth consumes the reality,
Your slow fading from my world above.
Falling below,
I slowly awake to see you are not there.
****
ANGEL’S TEARS
Angel tears fall upon my heart,
As you drift through my thoughts,
The sorrow of a thousand pains be still,
And I shall hold thee forever.
Fairies shall stop their dancing,
As they look upon the grief forlorn.
Their eyes, like drifting oceans of worry,
They still their bodies,
As the rain of tears glistens against their wings.
Shall things ever be right again?
Or was the bad always there?
I wander aimless through fields open wild,
Words spoken like the breezes of morning.
Trying to calm the silence,
That silence that screams of pain,
Of agony of a life no longer desired.
Wishing you could fly like a bird un-caged,
But with wings clipped from ill love.
My eyes see a beauty in the darkness,
That darkness that allows no light to shine.
Yet this beauty gleams of a thousand suns,
It’s tears sting like the fatal stab.
If only I could feel your pain.
Then maybe I could steal some away,
To squelch the grief and mourning.
I wish to hold you tightly.
Maybe some day the fairies will dance,
The glistening of tears stolen by smiles of joy.
One day the pain will end.
One day butterflies shall glimmer in the sunlight.
As will your eyes in my heart,
Never filled again with your dying pain.
****
BLASPHEMY IN TONGUE
Words cannot speak the truth of my love for thee,
To try is blasphemy of feelings thus held,
But to try would relish in its tasteful sin.
So I’ll try to take heart the lies I spew,
To know that the words of mine,
Can never muster the grace thus held,
By the gentle lips that shall be,
The glorious whisper of love eternally.
I hear those whispers I love to taste,
The breath and breast of the love you are,
To me a breeze of chilly refreshment.
Take quiet care to swallow these breathes,
As I carry the burden of careless hope,
To crawl inside to warmth surrounds,
And fall to pieces inside of myself,
As I relax to care inside of you.
****
CANVASES I PAINT
I sit in silence waiting for a moment,
The clouds drifting by my tired eyes,
And I rest any wares and wars,
To remember what it was like to write.
My dreams would flow over paper,
In a glory of graphite and ink portraits,
A picture is written,
That the imagination can only paint.
Now I tire of my forgotten memoirs,
Each work drifting further from sight,
As my memories fade in past,
Shall I ever paint them again?
Tomorrow will always be another day,
For me another canvas,
I will paint a portrait of my life,
And remember it always.
****
CASCADE OF MEMORIES SHOWER
Blanket in the sky,
Cover my eyes,
Breath in the stillness air,
A feeling I cannot share.
Surrendering loss of pain,
No longer life mundane.
Stare through eyes closed,
Memories now fully posed.
Wind delicate over fair,
Stillness steadily there.
Remembering cold,
Warmth visions hold.
Gentle drops of tickled thoughts,
Flutter forgotten for naught.
And I simply remember days,
For lost times and friends’ gaze.
A flower shelters fear,
Feeling held too near.
And I weep for I am not there,
But no tears display for bare.
For I am happy for clouds of the willows,
And thoughts forever I know,
That to find a piece of peace,
Is all I want of thee to cease.
****
CHANGE OF SEASONS
The falling leaves of autumn’s flow,
As we ‘wait the falling snow.
I dream a dream of cool breeze,
To receive a love if only please.
Forsake not each falling leaf,
As cold lives as its sordid thief,
But cherish forever as a dream,
A dream of life in light’s stream.
****
COLD WAITING
I wait in silence,
And stare into the sky.
The weatherman said it was coming.
Nothing just silence surrounding.
It is dark,
Lights aglow from houses afar.
A serene sight of a gentle night.
I glance up again, nothing yet.
I sit quietly in waiting.
The coolness chills my cheeks.
I’m sure they’re red by now,
As I foolishly sit in the cold.
The moon peeks over the horizon,
It’s florescent glow shines on my face.
A glow of warmth flows over me.
When will it come?
Still waiting my eyes grow heavy.
Then I feel a tickle on my head,
I jerk up and smile,
For I’ve caught the first snowflake of the year.
****
COMPILING SILENT WANT
The cold air paces over my skin.
The bumps raise like small desires felt for her,
Reminding of the taste still left upon my lips.
Wishing that they still were there, so I could kiss her again.
But still am I in the face of this wind,
Staring at the thoughts of her eyes looking into mine,
Trying in hopes to figure her out,
In hope to feel myself against her.
There comes a pause in the air,
Stillness consuming the impending choice,
Should my legs carry me,
Far enough to shut this open window.
But she lays there yet.
A temptation lying before broken thoughts.
And all she can do is stand and believe,
That the wind might catch her and carry her away.
So now silence compiles my thoughts and dreams of her,
Standing so far away from the faded reality.
I could close that window now if I choose,
As the wind stings my eyes bringing tears of the cold.
****
CONFUSION
A soft winter breeze blows forth.
My cheeks, the gentle pink of chill,
I stand silent stillness aside,
And await a warmth to consume my being.
Nothing.
Still the coldness remains my peace,
and my peace at hand takes no comfort.
Chilled receptions,
I raise myself to take in the cold.
And instead I find warmth.
The baffling deception I give myself.
Finding peace in places,
where the warmth doesn’t abound,
and where those who die, live again.
****
DAFFODILS
Silence waiting.
The quiet winds of cold air pass me by.
All is calm.
The daffodils sit their presence among innocence.
Beautiful yellow pressed against white.
Like angels flowing down to greet me.
There are some angels that smile at me,
While my lust for them desires to be free.
Forever dreaming of light good-byes,
I drift along breezes as a gentle snowflake.
On a daffodil I fall upon,
The silent beauty, one of sweet surrender.
****
DANCING
Days wash by and soon retire,
Shall I concede?
Shall I expire?
Or should I make night my playground?
As the shadows creep on all side,
Shall I bring forth a flashlight?
Or shall I dance,
Since no one will see?
Dance until my eyes can see,
See myself dancing,
See myself playing in playful glee.
****
DAYS OF YOUNGER LORE
Of sands and meadows past,
I follow my folly’s last.
To find the days of younger lore,
apart from this gentle spirits soar.
Slipping steps will always falter,
but feelings perfect never deter.
As the sand between my toes,
Creates my fortunes of that I know.
Placate my weary bones aside,
Do not falter my stumbling stride.
As the future stares ahead,
And the past from which away I fled.
****
DREAMSCAPES
In all hopes and dreams,
We all wonder why we are here.
Like angles floating in a sunlit sky,
A futile expense does the world seem.
And yet there are things we hold so dear,
So close that we never allow them to fly.
All we do is hope and pray,
That someday it will all work out.
People will love us for who we are,
And not condemn for what we say.
For I am not the lout,
Just a traveler from my mind afar.
My life filled with the water of hope,
A glass always filled.
One shouldn’t drink and lose what they have,
The glass will be left in a tub of water and soap.
Or if that glass should be spilled,
Then no hope one will have.
****
EMBERS
It seems so easy to lose yourself in a moment,
Watching the embers float up a starlit sky.
She’s all that I am thinking about.
Of when can I touch her next?
If I could toss myself within the flames,
Turn myself into the sweet sent of burning wood,
My thoughts into those glowing embers,
And let the wind carry me to her.
****
ENDLESS DANCES
I want to find my dreams waiting,
waiting for my ever growing impatience,
to subside and reside in nothingness,
so that I may finish my life in progress.
Can I direct myself a passing desire,
to make my life that which I please,
to make a wish into an accomplished feel,
a pasture of golden hearts and flowing dreams?
This endless dance of mine progresses,
and the steps ware down on my heals,
as then maybe someday the dance will end,
and with it my moment will walk forward.
****
FALLING FOR YOU
Brittle white tears are falling from their grace
Belittled by feelings they cannot trace
I circle around in confusion there
Finding all I have is the truth I bare.
Settle not will I for dying fairies
Losing touch with all but happy mem’ries
I fade through mirrors to lands I may hide
And settle while my feelings I abide
I will not lose the butterflies I hold
As I wait myself out in bitter cold
Happiness may rise, but the butterflies
Are falling white tears from brittle blue skies.
****
GUN SHOTS
A silence falls gently on sordid plain,
Cradling the tears torn from a steady pain.
To fear my death only not to see my,
But to see another's wings torn from the sky,
To see a bird from flight broken from life,
While tears soak its body, whispers flee from strife.
To seek the sordid plain finding empty,
Which love cannot fill, this void even plea.
Peace, why silence of death do to us sent?
To safety must have the knife never went?
Dear Lord, why do you let our loved one's die?
To deny us to see birds fly them high?
A quiet feather floating down for me,
Showing that which I cannot bring to see.
A lonely bird flying so very low,
Burdened with tears of its love never know.
A tear falls gently from my blinded eyes.
I want not to see this pain torch the skies.
Yet a light burns out from another dark.
And another cannot hear sing the lark.
Fall asleep oh the gentle wingless bird,
Oh silent sordid plains none never heard
Of a bird left wingless beaten and torn
Why left to us to sort out, not reborn?
****
IN THE NAME OF ELECTRICITY
Plumes rise high,
A smoke signal of man’s power.
Is it right to flaunt such things?
Is it right to steal so much?
So much that is freely given?
All of it,
To supply such childish ventures.
Is it all worthwhile?
Do we need such blinding things?
How often do we thank her?
That which gives freely so much,
As we rape and pillage,
Something so beautiful.
We all live in darkness,
Yet we all seek to light up every shadow.
But these shadows will never be lit.
****
INNER BEAUTY REIGNS
Grace denies this inner beauty,
As you fall steadily from yourself.
Denying what you are,
Embracing what you are not.
Separate the dust from the whole,
And the prints of butterfly wings.
A freedom that once was,
That may never be again.
Curse away the angel’s lust,
For being that of hidden sunsets.
Clouds dispersed to hide the tears,
Yet they fall through to the ground,
The rain you dance, trying to run away,
To run away from the beauty.
Don’t step away while you can.
Loneliness consumes the gentle heart,
While the river of remembrance echoes inside,
And whispers of the forgotten blow,
Blow past the dreams of a life,
A life that shall never now let go.
****
INSPIRATION
Why can’t I find my inspiration?
I sit here wallowing in self defeat,
Fearing nothing but myself,
Fearing everything but myself.
Life, a dedicated mystery.
A lost puzzle I cannot find.
So where do I fall in all of this?
Nowhere that I can see clearly.
Here I am writing what I feel,
Feeling what I write down.
Down is not the direction I want.
It’s no direction to have to travel.
So where’s my inspiration?
Maybe I’ll find it when I get up.
****
IRREGULARITY
Inside me,
An unusual shape of life,
Everyday taking new form.
Morphing a life of strange desire,
A feeling of perplexed accomplishment.
I will never know for sure,
Does this shape appear.
It’s irregular feel,
As my feelings chip and paste,
Every sunrise,
All the tears that fell,
Simple truths about complex lies.
Is my life a complex lie?
Who really cares though?
As the shape continues to wear,
And rebuild its form,
I am an irregular shape.
****
LESSONS
I wish I knew what life meant,
The way leaves fall in autumn,
Only to live gloriously again in spring.
The way we try so hard to love,
And fall so short.
How people love one another so much,
That it hurts enough to die.
How we die,
Just when we learn to live.
How we love,
Just when we lose them.
How friends come into our lives,
And we lose touch, but not heart.
And we’re torn inside.
So many things loved,
So many lost.
And by the end, what have we gained?
It’s funny how life sends its lessons.
When can I learn it?
****
LONELINESS
I follow an empty path,
With loneliness I follow,
To steal away a friend,
To squelch a swollen hunger.
It never occurred to me,
Emptiness can surrender heart.
And plead thus to leave.
Leave me to be alone again.
I fight a cocoon of tender tears,
Wondering why I am so alone.
With a stillness of everyone’s company.
That eludes my wandering grasp.
What for are these gentle whispers then?
Speaking of dreams never dreamt,
Passing my hopes with failed nights,
Reminding me of friends never met.
But to pass myself a forgotten lone,
Must I never hear my voice alone?
As breezes lasting steal away,
Steal away the feelings of emptiness.
****
MEMORIES
There are stories,
of my childhood,
I never told them.
Maybe forgotten.
Maybe remembered.
Sometimes they seep through,
at moments I see.
Mirrors reflect so much.
And so much still hides.
These shadows we cast,
disappear in the light,
as we look down,
a future road.
Sometimes,
the shadows we cast,
is the only light we can see by.
****
MIRROR IMAGE
If I wonder away,
Will you come to find me?
So lost am I to myself.
I stand in the mirror.
My eyes gaze forth at a mystery.
Like a glassy pool I stare forth,
Imagining fish swimming,
But no,
Only that mystery returns a gape.
Ponder forward, oh pond of myself.
So that maybe an answer to my question may arise.
And forlorn, my tired eyes,
Stare past the beauty,
To the ugliness beneath the skin.
Is it ugly?
Am I ugly?
This I cannot answer.
I can only hope.
****
MIX THE BRILLIANT COLORS
Sun and shade,
Mix the brilliant colors,
Like past and present,
Memory and memory,
I find to wonder,
How things blend so…
Viciously.
And to cautiously wait,
From moment to moment,
Just for a moment,
Maybe I can see,
Just how much beauty there is…
In Viciousness.
****
MY PASSING MOMENT
A hue of orange a mist breaks forth.
Morning does rise to greet my eyes.
Smell the dew shine upon the leaves,
And grass glitters a follow of praise.
Stand and admire the smile.
A morning will find a dime to spend,
For happiness is free for those,
Who can spill a tear at a pain.
Dance along a floating cloud,
Towards the light of morning flew.
Shall cry when the mist parades,
To the sky then shall rise.
A moment passes like the morning.
Never will return.
Like a friend lost forever.
Take heed to remember before tomorrow comes.
****
NIGHT
Days wash by and soon retire,
Shall I concede?
Shall I expire?
Or should I make night my playground?
As the shadows creep on all side,
Shall I bring forth a flashlight?
Or shall I dance,
Since no one will see?
Dance until my eyes can see,
See myself dancing,
See myself in such glee.
Should I run?
Run until the day comes again?
Or should I really,
Should I just enjoy the time,
While it’s here.
****
OCEAN WAVES
What would the ocean whisper?
If it could talk to me?
Its waves as songs of glories old,
Spraying words upon my face.
Can I hear them today?
Not that I wish to beg.
My ears have fallen victim,
To echoes of pain,
of desperate pleas for release.
I want to be soothed again,
Like a gentle newborn cradled close.
Touch tingling through my faded skin,
My faded whole becoming so lost,
Lost in a whisper,
As it flows from my voice,
My lips.
I taste the ocean,
And I hear the tune my eardrums ring.
Is there a story to tell?
I wish to part myself in,
With the waves to cradle me.
I wish to be cradled,
I wish to be a whisper.
I wish to be the whisper,
That the ocean waves to me.
****
ONLY DREAM
Soft,
Dancing fingers,
Entrancing.
Oh to feel so much more.
Feel them move from place,
to ecstasy unbound.
The sight of your breasts,
an unfettering lust,
to wrap around the naked skin,
of your legs around me.
With me inside,
Eyes focused not on petty things,
but on a particular beauty,
that not nature can comprehend alone.
Deep inside with shivers abounding,
Only that cause by the taste of sacredness,
That discovery,
I wish to always be graced.
But alas,
I can only dream of thus,
for now.
****
PIGEONS
Pigeons sitting in a row,
In a row the pigeons sat.
In the cold they sat,
They sat huddled in a row.
I stood inside toasty warm,
Looking at the pigeons in the cold.
Warming themselves in this mold.
Sitting in Winter’s harsh swarm.
****
PRAYER OF THE FALLEN TEARS
Why are there no birds in the sky?
Have they all fallen from their wings?
As thousands of tears fall from the sky,
I watch their hearts come to rest.
Butterflies fly from a fire of rage,
Against an invisible life of pain,
A glow shall emerge from this,
And plague the paths of the butterflies.
Shall the angels watch this cry?
I wish a lie was of this life now.
As the stairways to heaven fall,
Extinguishing our hopes for the future.
These birds, why did they leave their nest?
To fall prey to the haste of hate?
And take with them, the love of life,
Only to squander this love?
I do not know how to feel.
These birds will never fly truly again.
Free the illusion of this pain,
So that we may surrender to love again.
So now the river of tears flows onward.
And the stairways are really in our hearts,
If we’ve forgotten this, we’ll someday remember,
As we remember the hearts that once flew free.
So little child, lay down to rest,
I pray an eternal peace shall overcome us,
May these tears and butterflies, shall live on again,
And the birds shall fly again in our hearts.
****
PUDDLES
Ocean views,
Of a microscopic world,
A world foreign to us.
So insignificant?
Are we all insignificant?
So much goes unknown,
So much unseen,
Circling around our own hearts,
We fail to hear others’ beat.
As the puddles fill with water,
Life floats past,
Past, something to be forgotten.
Forget, I hold that little regret.
Regret, do I truly regret?
And if this puddle turned into a river,
Would I regret not noticing?
Would I forget it’s there?
It could be the Nile,
But to me I’ve never seen,
Such a flood of tiny scales,
That makes me see how strange life can be.
****
QUIET SANDS AND OCEANS
I sit in quiet sands and oceans,
And silent I ponder wonder,
Pretend in silence that I care not.
While inside a river flows behind.
Forever I touch empty feeling.
Not knowing daily fates and wonder.
As I look up to see meaning,
And find feelings so demeaning.
Diminish a heart once long.
And I shorten hopes of long life.
These dreams I cling are loose afoot,
As I slip into dreamlessness.
The river flows to destination not,
Drinking with it the dream of never.
Would I be right to think myself clever?
Now that I’ve fooled myself?
****
RAIN DROPS
Drip, drip, drip,
Rain against the roof,
I stutter in consciousness,
And I drip with the drops,
Drip,
A peaceful swarm of chilled excitement,
Delicately placed on my brow,
Continue the rain,
Drip, drip,
A watery refreshment,
And she gazes forth,
At me,
At the gray, cool sky.
Drip, drip, drip,
Standing alone in a puddle,
Feeling my feet soaked,
I stare back,
I stare at desires.
Drip, drip, drip, drip,
The ripples expand and vanish,
In the puddle my foot stands,
Just a dream?
Or just a peaceful moment…
****
RAIN POURING DOWN
I stare into the locker,
A yellow object hanging inside,
Meant to protect from the pouring,
That rain which pours down.
I cannot tell for why I even care to look,
I seem to examine that yellow thing,
As though it has much more importance,
Than the one task,
That it is designed to complete.
Yet I look inside,
While reaching for what I want,
I keep wondering what it is I want,
All while I stare.
Though all my thoughts converge on myself,
It still is just a raincoat.
That yellow thing that I stare,
All I see is the yellow thing.
That I need to protect me from the rain.
****
ROSE
Of skies and roses passed,
And the clouds whisper your dreams to me.
Purple, orange hews of sunlight,
Trickle down my cheeks,
As thoughts of you tickle my feelings.
My heart escapes from this gentle touch,
With echoes of why am I so lost?
Because with thoughts of you,
How can I dream of anything else?
When all I seem to dream is you?
While the fireflies dance circles around you,
The warm glow off of your soft skin,
Making songs of light,
Of desire.
And shall I hear these dreams and see them true,
As your breath sinks into my lungs.
And whispers of your name are all I speak,
Even as my words ride different colors.
I could beg to touch your face with my lips,
While they tremble softly against your cheek.
For I want to hold you,
Feeling you so close that my heart feels you.
Beating in sounds of joyous reunion,
Tears flowing from myself,
Dancing like fairies, glistening on the rose’s petal,
Their tiny wings fluttering around you,
Like magic you stand there,
While I drift into dreams of you.
If the butterfly shall tickle your nose,
Lying beside you I watch,
Uncovered beauty, naked,
Blades of grass tickling your skin.
You laugh as you play,
Rose petals lay delicately upon you,
A butterfly spreads its wings on your finger.
I cannot help but to tremble at the beauty.
I cannot help but to love you.
I shake as you touch my lips,
And you smile,
As I drift along a dream, so beautiful as you.
****
SIFTING SUGAR
Snow
drifts and sugar sifts,
I cannot imagine my world so innocent,
As
angels I pray for me take away,
I refuse to allow myself to
repent.
Sweet longing I, for a sweet lullaby,
I wish myself
a gentle sleep,
For the bones and tired tones,
In need am I of
a restful weep.
As beauty sings and bells do ring,
I hear
forlorn worries in my bed.
Do tell of dreams and flowing
streams,
Silence the words that I wish I never said.
Again
I cannot think of innocent drink,
As the clouds of torment fly
close.
And with alcohol my senses will stall.
While hide I from
those feelings do engross.
****
SILENT MEADOWS
As the snow drifts across silent meadows,
We see his face in memory’s shadows.
Only yesterday his smile shown bright,
Now he walks in eternity’s light.
Death, why take from us our friends?
So that never can we make our amends.
Candles of life never truly burn away,
For with God he’ll always see another day.
I sit in silence, whispers from long ago,
Flowing steady as I drift with the snow.
Never alone he’ll be in heaven’s way,
Broken glass on this snowy day.
Walk with us always through memories,
The broken warrior lying in peaceful seas.
As the snow drifts across silent meadows,
He’ll always live in memory’s shadows.
****
SIMPLE DESIRE
Drifting woods across a winter pond,
Floating silently, slowly.
A serene sight.
Now I lay my head on chilled grass.
Watching my wishes fly overhead,
In clouds of puffy-white lust.
Will they rain there desires to me?
Soak my soul with visions,
Of soft skin so smooth and rich.
Of prurient taunting,
As my eyes meet the stars of night.
And only my fingers can see your body.
Sensing every breath through touch,
And trembling lips shall caress,
The current shifts,
The driftwoods carry forth again.
Across moonlit waters.
Their dark silhouettes,
Against shimmering ripples of water.
Your face glows a gentle hue,
And if I could,
The rains from the clouds
Would drench my very heart.
And I would hold you,
As the moon cradles our form.
****
SOLUTION MIX
I fear that I have lost my sanity,
With little filling my hope to be.
I sit and quietly wonder there,
While sitting down in a rocking chair.
To and fro my speech is muttered,
As are my thoughts so I’ve heard.
But those feelings are lost in crowds,
And I am left to wear only my shrouds.
So will fires burn to bring me new life?
Or must I bring it through much strife?
Is there a path that I need to take?
One that will not tend to my sake,
Travel on little, tender soul,
And forget that I may rest in sol.
Diluting me in yielding spirits,
Not those which love does omit.
****
SOMETIMES
Sometimes the sun shines,
And I do not know where to find it.
Sometimes the rain falls,
And it is all I see and feel.
Cold droplets of cold darkness,
Arising from a simple lack,
A lack of the warmth.
With a small candle aflame,
Fighting against the bitter chill.
Does nothing break a forlorn rain?
A simple flower to bring some life?
Sometimes the rain goes away,
And I do feel something warmer.
Sometimes the sun breaks through,
And I can see a grander sense of things.
Warm echoes of light and dancing.
But they create shadows,
Yet somehow, anymore that doesn’t concern me.
****
STORM SURGE
Calm a storm,
From winds which tug my whole.
Waters that pound my heart.
Earth which shatters my stand,
Floating down a surge.
Helpless.
I feel these swells consume me.
My emotions stall,
And I grasp on nothing.
A willingness has escaped me.
Sometimes feeling,
Helpless.
Bitterness only breeds pain,
Pain breeds only misery.
And I wallow in this pool,
The ripples of my splashing,
I wail mercilessly,
Helpless.
As the lightning shall strike,
Burning my eyes in the light,
A light illuminating my boredom,
A boredom illuminating my pain.
This pain I conceal, for I feel,
Helpless.
And sometimes I do not know why.
****
TAKE FLIGHT
A simple mind,
A simple dream,
Wasting time with time,
For foolishness and games,
Striving for perfection.
Who cares to know?
As though the bird simply stood,
Wings felt clipped,
As though they were never there.
Can we learn to fly?
Or do we strive to just catch,
Catch ourselves from falling.
But is falling simply flying?
Flying in the direction,
Directions no one likes to know.
Do we land?
Do we change paths?
Do we try to fly?
What is it like to fly?
****
THAT PICTURE
Staring at the picture on the wall,
Surprising I see myself smiling,
What was I thinking at that moment?
I was only a young child,
Filled with hopes of future adventures.
Now is less than it was then.
Behind me I leave those days,
Only because I face forward.
Hell, if I could,
I would walk backwards into the future.
That way I will never age, but time will pass.
What was it like to be that child?
That child I was so short a time ago?
That picture,
It speaks to me.
And only my lips move.
****
THE STAIRCASE
Step down off my pedestal,
I slowly see my descent from myself.
Will I see an end to the endless staircase?
As I see dreams and wishes float up aside me,
My foot falls heavier at each lower step.
Each step falls lower from where we once were.
The steps become cold, desire-less.
My feelings chill with every fall,
Do I know an end to this cold falter?
Why can’t I turn to face the opposing ascent?
Sometimes we give up on hope and wonder,
And allow ourselves to fall so helplessly.
I tell myself to turn around.
As each step the climb will seem heavier a burden.
Maybe I should leap and catch the floating dreams,
But I might fall from the stairs forever.
As the dreams float up, they continue to fade,
I’ll just chase them when I finally reach the bottom.
****
THE UNKNOWN WORLD
Love to hate,
Unknown worlds,
Sex, a life of mistaken love,
Writing what you feel, only to know it’s not true,
People under pressure,
I feel sick,
Living like shit,
Only I am real here.
I feel towards her,
Cannot describe my simple complexity.
Of an insane mind,
I love to kill in dreams, but why?
Kill my thoughts before I die,
But life is more lively than that.
Remember all that flows by,
Because you’ll never see it again.
Only I can live here,
Only me myself,
My dreams are life only of my own,
Agony only spawns joy.
You do not know,
Neither do I,
Because I cannot know,
Only because I don’t.
****
THIS FROZEN LAKE
She falls through the ice.
Cracked, broken,
Frozen in the fear of loss and shame.
And I can’t save her now.
Still in the cold air above,
Trying to save myself from the fall.
And yet she drowns.
Shivering from fear and remorse,
I can but only look in those dying eyes.
But reflecting back is only my own shame,
My own regret.
Not to reach down there and save her.
If she would just take my aching hands.
But my grip only fails without trial.
And as I stare into her eyes,
Pleading for something to save her,
I realize myself,
That I have fallen through the ice as well.
****
THROUGH THE HALLWAY
Patience,
A single page to denote that lack,
A lacking of the words to fill the page.
I quietly look off into the hallway I occupy.
Not so much one of choice,
as one of determination.
But the choice still is there.
And I choose no other hall to be in this moment.
But looking down,
doors to either side,
I look, I watch
as people pass to and fro,
Their footsteps taking a minor echo in my thoughts.
My footsteps are still though,
Not one to echo in my own mind,
As I sit and just watch.
In ways I see myself stuck,
Avenues to either side,
Like the hallway I occupy.
Trying to fill that page I play,
A goal to bring my feet to a steady pace,
A page a day,
Just a single page.
And maybe then I can pass through.
****
THROWING AWAY
Set sleep aside,
For I would rather not rise with the dawn,
Nor fall with the sunset.
I wish to visit all the hours,
With consciousness unfurled,
Like a flag blowing in the wind,
Succumbing to the will of the air.
Oh let me be my own air,
And to guide myself so present,
So that I may enjoy,
All those moments I am missing.
****
TRIP
Who has seen time end in a day?
Each second a passing century of life.
From childhood to dying age,
This life, was it worth it?
To scorn,
To hate,
To loathe,
To mock,
To disgrace,
And we trouble over trivial cares.
Do we know what we truly want?
To love,
To breathe,
To kiss,
To hope,
To feel worthy?
But in this race,
Do we try to finish?
Or do we simply trip,
Trip those who are beside us?
Why do we so worry,
About what others do?
Instead of caring for our self?
We should all love each other.
We should love our selves.
****
TRUER FORM
There are shadows dancing on the wall,
Reminders of the demons inside,
Inside of us all,
To dance against the nature of our desires,
My desires,
To live past my own fears,
These fears that my demons tenderly caress,
In the palms of ached fingers,
To steal these desires back,
Oh the truly masterful desire of all,
If only, if only,
I could take hold of these,
And lead myself to the truer form of me.
****
WAIT OUT THE DAY AHEAD
Wait out the day ahead
Collecting the hopes and dreams
Next to a stale cup of coffee
Gathering strength
Gathering those dreams
Scents form the memories
Of mornings like this
Trying to formulate my desires
Into something tangible
But these aren’t my dreams
Each sip is something from another
For I am not quite sure
Of what I want
What I desire
But I am content with that for now
I am content to drink that stale coffee
To let that get me through another day…
****
WALTZ
Dance with me,
And I shall sleep,
With you in my hands,
You in my heart,
Hoping for something grand,
A waltz perhaps.
But the steps,
Too rigid,
Too learned.
Dance with me,
I want to feel your breath,
The air you taste,
I wish to taste,
As you rest your head,
And we sway.
Swaying hearts and minds,
Linking love and lust.
Can you dance with me?
Dance with me,
Sacred hearts were never so secret,
That I hid from days,
Since light and love are so blinding.
Can it be possible,
That you stand in the light?
So all that I see is you,
All that I feel is you.
Dance with me,
Retire my heart to rest,
So that all may leave,
Cancel my uneasiness,
With none but your touch,
And your kiss,
So that I may fall,
So that I may awake,
And still see you there,
Dancing.
****
WASHING DAYS
Days wash by the flowered blooms,
Dancing clouds while a campfire plumes.
Sometimes life has a strange peace.
And all we can do as our breath cease.
Lay silent in pastures awaiting light,
As visions of our life our mind does sight.
Smiles, laughter, gentle music combs,
Dancing through those places, our homes.
A gentle breeze in the bedroom blows,
As sweet smells of seasons our memory stows.
Remembering the mornings we awoke,
And all the moments in life we forsook.
These times shall never come again,
Nor shall the times now becoming then.
****
WHIM
How can I fly without my wings?
To soar above those tiny things?
See the world through floating eyes?
And give the ground a kiss good-bye?
Without my wings walk shall I?
Or crawl in dirt, in muddy dye?
In grass do my feet be tickled?
Or in puddles doth water be trickled?
If an ocean bring can I swim?
Flush with waves to their whim?
Drift through weeds of sea dwell?
With the whales majestic spell?
****
WONDER
A whisper floats and dances into my ear.
I watch space curiously.
I see lilies flutter in the wind.
And clouds rest their heads upon the Sun.
A tiny life greets my eyes.
I do nothing but wonder at its majesty.
Sound waves at me to pay it attention.
Yet silence in all that I hear.
My thoughts drift with the clouds,
They dance their way across blue skies.
Into vast green pasture rolling in the grass.
Wondering so aimlessly in pure bliss.
****
YELLOW LACES
Yellow laces dart back and forth,
As a loudness surrounds me.
It’s evident that I should head north,
And continue my life’s journey.
I’m tired of the life I have now,
There is so little to offer life.
So as the press goes to and fro,
I make the stuff I do in strife.
Why do thing go their own way?
Do they do it just for the spite?
Or am I cursed, dare I say?
Or does life just like the fight?
Either way my pendulum swings,
And I am left standing there.
Sometimes I wish that I had wings,
To escape the pendulum of life unfair.
So these yellow laces,
Hypnotizing as they are,
Put my thoughts into subtle traces,
And steal my mind to lands afar.
All this because I wish I wasn’t here.
Dangling on a thin rope fashioned.
Hope, desperation, love, fear,
The yolk of my life’s sight disillusioned.
****
YUCKY ROACHES
Of all the most disgusting creatures,
Roaches are the worst of these features.
They scurry forth in filth and garbage,
You can find them where trash shall salvage.
Their legs carry germs over your plates,
While their filth will play and procreates.
Then little roaches will swing and plays,
Like muddy children on rainy days.
I try to squish them and hear them pop.
Well then I gladly will get the mop.
Their nature just makes me want to puke.
Not the behavior found in a Duke.
When the lights go on they all scatter,
Or else they find their guts will splatter.
As my shoes chase their nastiness way,
They do move quite fast I sure will say.
Into the cracks on the floor they hide.
I stand there cursing as I abide.
I have with me now a can of RAID.
Although those bastards hide in the shade!
I’ll wait until they come run again.
I’ll bait them then and hide in the den!
Off go the lights and I hear them all,
Like dark is some goddamn mating call.
Flick! goes the light, I jump out yelling,
Spraying, they must have shields or something!
Hundreds run around my feet and head.
I guess I’ll just burn the house instead.
****
A Brief Note About the Author
Jeremy lives outside of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania with his wife, son, and two unruly cats. He is currently employed as a technician for a prominent chemical processing company and enjoys using whatever free time he has to write. Jeremy also writes for his web-based, revenge saga called “The Vigil” which is updated biweekly with a new episode available for free viewing.