Wordclay
1663 Liberty Drive, Suite 200
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CONFECTIONATELY YOURS © Copyright 2009 Tamesha S. Hawkins. All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.
First published by Wordclay on 5/9/2009.
Printed in the United States of America.
This book is printed on acid-free paper.
Cover Design by Kristy Giballa
Confectionately Yours
Tamesha S. Hawkins
Confectionately Yours
Dear Diary-
The risk in exposing the uncertainty forces individuals to discuss their differences in hopes to find a common ground.
~ Confectionately Yours…
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
September 21, 2007
Opened eyes to the value of life
***
The readers of Sugar Lumps and Black Eye Blues
Thank you for the continued support and coming back for seconds!
***
January 7, 2009
“As You Like It” but I see the forest amid the trees
DEDICATION
The Inspirational D.E.C.K.K of Queens in my tattoo
Dorothy, Eloise, Charlese, Keisha and Kimmika
***
Nana
For the D.E.C.K.K that was dealt
***
“240”, EMW and QAS
Much love always
***
Lavender Lee
Mahogany’s Nectar
JOURNAL OF MOMENTS
11…AUTHOR’S NOTE: “Even Sugar Can Be Raw”
13…FORWARD: “The Sweet Urgency of Activism”
by Kimmika L. H. Williams-Witherspoon, PhD
15…PREFACE: “a Honey-glazed Metamorphosis”
by Keisha L. Johnson
CHAPTER ONE: “Falling Back”
18…September 11th “Political Malarkey”
19…September 13th “Leaving the Nursery”
21…September 21st “Beacon Defeated”
23…October 3rd “Alleged Hate”
24…October 11th “Can Hail Mary Save Me?”
26…November 4th “Don’t Mean to Offend”
29…November 4th “At 11:59pm”
30…November 5th “Rehabilitation”
31…November 11th “Toy Soldiers”
33…November 17th “After Prop8”
34…November 24th “11 Days”
35…November 28th “LyricLee”
CHAPTER TWO: “Winter Breaks”
38…December 2nd “Strange Gift”
40…December 24th “Prop Clause”
43…December 25th “Bearing Gifts”
46…December 31st “Auction Blocked”
48…January 1st “Nigger”
50…January 7th “The Kimocracy Suite”
The Person
The Angel
The Leader
57…January 7th “As You Like It”
59…January 20th “Civic Rebirth”
62…February 14th “Singles Ministry”
64…February 14th “Revisited”
65…February 15th “Vague”
66…February 21st “Tainted Soil”
CHAPTER THREE: “Springing Forward”
68…March 15th “Nature vs. Nurture”
71…March 30th “Emollient”
72…April 4th “King”
74…April 10th “Conflict”
75…April 26th “The Mystery in Z Suite”
Shock
The Spat
Reconcile
79…May 11th “Aftermath of Fertilization”
80…May 21st “Elevation vs. Degradation”
82…May 23rd “Cut Out”
CHAPTER FOUR: “Summer Times”
84…June 6th “Six” (a Rapist Perspective)
86…June 15th “Summer Blues”
88…June 27th “Lavender”
89…July 4th “Passport”
92…July 15th “Casting Types”
94…July 20th “Work, or Change”
96…August 8th “Ballad of the Seasons”
97…August 28th “New Meaning”
99…August 31st “Just Words”
101…AFTERWARD: “The Hawkian Style”
by Jason Del Gandio, PhD
104…OTHER TITLES BY AUTHOR
105…SNEAK PEEK
“Mahogany Nectar: a Poetic Memoir”
106…ABOUT THE AUTHOR: “Sweet, Sassy and Saccharined”
AUTHOR’S NOTE
***
“Even Sugar Can Be Raw”
C
onfectionately Yours focuses on topics such as Jena Six, sexual assault, Proposition Eight, the election, the debates, AIDS and Suicide Awareness. Though challenging to merge the various subject matters together, the author was able to document the pitfalls, the successes, and the folly of the lives we live amongst into a journal of moments.
Debut book, Sugar Lumps and Black Eye Blues (2007), was the tip of the iceberg in regards to sweetly touching upon serious concerns facing the journeys in womanhood. Confectionately Yours is the complete opposite! Maintaining a sweet title, the subject matter is unapologetically raw. Each piece highlights a saccharine of truth that pierces through the chaos of humanity. Poetically, this book allows the reader to realize that nothing is concrete as society forces it to be. We are all marionettes, moving to the strings of “normalcy” until “normalcy” no longer satisfies or justifies one’s existence.
It is personal. Small secrets were revealed in trying to understand the “power of words”. In taking a break from looking through the poetic window, moments were taken to scribble down outbursts, private concerns and elements of self-awareness. Serving as a response to arguments and a mirror to actuality, Confectionately Yours is an outline to the next phase of the author’s journey.
It is political. Following the campaign trails was a taxing experience. There was an eagerness for the race to conclude, but the continuousness of the media made a thrilling time to monitor the expressions and reactions of the nation. The debates, conventions and media debacles were grounds to explore the political arena in depth.
It is passionate. Each piece is vulnerable; subject to cheers, sneers and jeers. Nonetheless, it is straightforward. Whether speaking on personal issues, political highlights (and lowlights) or just ranting, there lies a quest for answers in civic ignorance.
Enjoy journeying through the Journal of Moments! It is with hope that you will stay along to complete the course as the author prepares to conclude the sugary trilogy with Mahogany Nectar: a Poetic Memoir and a one-woman showcase titled Beginning with Molasses!
FORWARD
***
“The Sweet Urgency of Activism”
T
he second installment in what I’m sure will be a long list of poetic credentials, “Confectionately Yours” by Tamesha Hawkins is not, as the title might mistakenly suggest, a series of “sticky-sweet” verses about love and life. Rather, for those well acquainted with her first book, Sugar Lumps and Black Eye Blues (2007), Hawkins’ latest work is filled with the pressing urgency of political activism, social awareness and a cry for healthy human interaction. Organized by the days and months of the year when, presumably, the pieces were written, Hawkins’ book is filled with a wealth of expression, distinctive style and a plethora of much needed ideas.
Presented in four chapters, in chapter one, “Falling Back”, the poems compiled in this section present an uncomfortable glimpse of the American political landscape. The poems are “chock-full” of irony and indictment. Here, the poetry is as tightly-packed and unsettling as the headlines in the daily tabloids that continually assault us with words like 9-1-1; “HMO’s providing crosses and no shields”; and terrorism. Issue-driven, chapter one contains dense, poetic musings condemning rape and rapists; the cause and effect of war; and the myriad of ways that race and racism are still problematic in American culture.
In chapter two, “Winter Breaks”, Hawkins takes a calculated look at the rising number of HIV and AIDS in our communities; our oftentimes, life-threatening preoccupation with notions of “body-identity”, consumerism and the, sometimes, painful search for the American Dream. Bearing her soul, chapter two, “Winter Breaks”, offers glimpses into the real-life struggle that the author courageously wages racing through youth and adulthood.
The poems in chapter three, “Springing Forward”, play with form and verbal dexterity. In this section the versatility in Tamesha Hawkins’ message and in her style come together; and readers will be drawn in by her unique voice. From this section, certainly, “Cut Out” will become a favorite.
Chapter four, “Summer Times” rounds out the book. In this chapter, love, sex and life intersect; but, according to the author, not always swimmingly. Because the lighter pieces in the book are few and far between, even though the reader may secretly hope that there will be love, promise and acceptance by the end of “Summer Times”, Hawkins’ resists the temptation to pen poetry about “happy-ever-after”; but instead, suggests that the poem, like life, is always writing itself. If our living is filled with just as many “ups” and “downs”, then someone has got to tell the tale. As Hawkins’ writes: “can it ever be just words?”
Dr. Kimmika L. H. Williams-Witherspoon
Temple University Department of Theater
PREFACE
***
“A Honey-glazed Metamorphosis”
G
rowth is an incredible process. Our external growth is evident and undeniable. However, it is the wonders that occur on the inside that truly leaves one in awe – reveling in the miraculous process that has an outcome that is equivalent to new life.
Nearly eight years ago, I met Tamesha “Shanay” Hawkins, when she was in her first year at Temple University’s Ambler Campus. She approached everything with such enthusiasm. She was an early-work-in-progress; who had an artistic flair and an insatiable need for expression. She moved through her world with a passion and sensitivity that emanated through her very being. It was always clear when she had something say; and in most cases, she would demonstrate creativity in her chosen presentation.
When I first read Sugar Lumps and Black Eye Blues, I can remember thinking, “Wow… she really took me back… to ‘when grass tickled the toes and hands touched clean sand in sandboxes’’’. It was the opportunity to view her world through her eyes; and to understand the significance of impact and the importance of love that is both given and withheld. I marveled in her ability to capture and contain her experience in a poetic form. She provided everyone with an insight into her life.
Confectionately Yours represents a continuation of life. Hawkins uses this collection as a platform to express her thoughts and feelings about our world and the true depth of impact. Her poetry invades the reader’s thoughts presenting the challenge to think beyond one’s self; and acknowledge the world on the outside. She goes deeper and instead of telling us about how she feels she has begun to let us know what she thinks.
It has been such a pleasure having a front row seat to her metamorphosis. I have witnessed growth and a transformation that is indisputable. If Hawkins has been slowly unfolding and selectively and cautiously unveiling, in “Confectionately Yours, she immerges… matured, beautiful and ready to spread her wings for the world to see.
Keisha L. Johnson, M.Ed
Associate Director of Resident Life
Gwynedd-Mercy College
CHAPTER ONE
***
“Falling Back”
September 11th “Political Malarkey”
The mind is continually baffled by deceit
Declarations of justice and civility
Written lyrics of harmony created by the hand of a cock
“All men are created equal?”
They are endowed by their Creator with unalienable rights,
That among these are; life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness?”
Mismanaged text by revered men
The same leaders that preached change on a Sabbath day
Honored hierarchy during the week
Caramelizing freedom with ink and a quill
While enslaving the bronze and the down trodden
From Hancock, Bartlett, Whipple and Thornton
Franklin, Witherspoon, Hart, Penn
To Hoover, Regan, Bush and Clinton
Time will tell
Bold, brazen, and bad business
Will kill your family and make you watch it
Over and over and over again
To prove the mute point of unnecessary war
Like an American action flick
Where citizens do their own stunts
Out of buildings that are heaven stories high
Creating a national blockbuster of shame and malice
Titling it with Terrorism
While white washing humanity with syncopated patriotism
“Never Forget 9-1-1?”
Waving flags to the dishonest wind
Will it ever end?
September 13th “Leaving the Nursery”
Was born a girl and mama was pleased
For bows and ribbons, no scrapes on knees
Living life of a young woman’s dream
Pop, look, reality
Walking to work
Skipping to school
Jumping rope in the yard
Just following rules
Getting juice from the corner store
Chasing child that’s chasing ball across the street
Or on patio to stop flesh melting from the heat
Just following the rules
Rain calls for galoshes and plastic coated coats
Snow, diva all her own, moans for fur to keep warm
Heat demands that meat
Be displayed in a way so sun can play
This were confusion steps in
Viewpoints skewed by temptations
Man made frustrations created by fabric manipulations
All that can be seen is…
Tank tops on breast tops
Skirts covering kittens
Flip-flops and shell tops
Make short shorts forbidden
Not trying to be sexy
Maintaining a cool
These are a few of the favorite things
That keeps the heat from driving folks insane
Just following the rules
A woman is a lady in whatever she’s got
So what if her skirt is too short
All that is happening is the airing of the twat
Should that be punished?
Should that be stopped?
If so, then free balling and pants below the waist
Should be outlawed
If that was truly the case
Attire giving men the right to perspire
In naughty places that need to rinsed out with soap
Mentally groping lady bits
Thoughts triggering physical desire
Yanking, thrusting and lusting for things to transpire
With archaic pick up lines
Halfhearted compliments
Unwanted touching and rubbing
Pulling away, pulling toward, pulling away, pulling toward
Alleys ways, kitchen floors, street corners, bedrooms and bathrooms
MOVE, GET OFF, STOP, NO…
Verbal organism of restraint unheard
Deed is done
The damage has begun
But he’s the one beginning his fun
Jammed it in once
She’s paid the price
He wanting to do it twice
Knowing it won’t be nice
She’s running, scratching and screaming for safety
Can’t you hear her?
Why aren’t you listening?
All around the morgue you’ll see
Girls from the community
A rapist thought it was all in fun
Pop, goes humanity
September 21st “Beacon Defeated”
In the blink of an eye
It has come to this
A moment in which wills are tested
Trust is measured about a life in question
“America’s Next Top Victim”
Featuring high fashion abandonment
Couture negligence cascading through seams of commercial empathy
Pronouns reduced to a practitioner’s playground of scalpels and plastic gloves
Lovers, sisters, grandparents, and a mother
An entity that carried the burdens of others
Now tortured by the selfishness
Subjected to injections of under staffed facilities
Marinating in fecal’s matter while searching for humanity
Medicinal vomit induced slop buckets left to provide comfort
Being strapped down by limply limbs
Life’s vision scurrying across tainted floorboards
Success wallowing in misery and despair
Orderlies without orderly conduct
Nursed to sympathy and doctored by ignorance
Insured that health is last on the list of financial priority
Quick to cut and charge with malice
Licensed with criminal intent
To secure their economic security by any means necessary
Terrified at viewing this scene
Trying to interpret what it all means
Watching a pillar of strength conform to a pillar of salt
Bitter mind, contaminated soul and a body wanting to heal
X-raying a mere casket of what was once admirable
Sprouting negativity from latitudinal viewpoint
Never the angle pictured to hear such wisdom
Mind-boggled by the shell eyes are forced to gaze at
Because in one blink
It has come to this
People becoming pen punch numbers
Hospitals hospitalizing souls
Sustaining the disconnect of life
Weakening patient’s ambition to believe only medical malarkey
Second opinions just as corrupt as the first
Relatives attempting to aid when needed most
Struggling to provide more and realizing that give, can’t take no more
Coming to terms with pharmaceutical’s outlook
Leaving kinfolk without input
Probes, forceps and sutchers galore
Physicians reconstructing foundations without spiritual blueprint
Claiming faith in a position that still labeled “practice”
HMO’s providing crosses and no shields
Leaving patients to deal
With false certainty
Can that be called a benefit?
Maintaining the fight to stay in the game
But emotionally maimed
Recognizing, there’s no sunshine
If she’s gone
October 3rd “Alleged Hate”
Made to eat rat feces, raped and beaten
Expecting adequate answers
Gaining no respect
Annoyed at the system of just;
Needing society to wake up and get a clue
Witnessing what a human never should
If the situation was reversed; discrimination would be the first thing spewed
Luckily, for Megan, her pigment wasn’t the saving kind
Limited are her rights to humanity, as she lay dormant
Infected with stench of neglect
Appalling
Ms. Williams, apologies on behalf of a corrupt system
Shame you had to bear the brunt of it