Tweetable Limericks
By
Lenny Everson
rev
1
Copyright Lenny Everson 2011
Smashwords Edition License Notes:
This free ebook may be copied, distributed, reposted, reprinted and shared, provided it appears in its entirety without alteration, and the reader is not charged to access it.
Cover design by Lenny Everson
Published at Smashwords:
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
Thank you for downloading this free ebook. You are welcome to share it with your friends. This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original form. If you enjoyed this book, please return to Smashwords.com to discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.
****
Chapter 1: Introduction
What are Tweetable Limericks?
Tweetable limericks are limericks that are short enough (less then 140 characters) to be sent as a Tweet on the Twitter application.
These Tweetable limericks were all written or adapted by myself. Some of them are even original thoughts! Many of them, however, are adapted from famous quotations that I have shamelessly and without acknowledgement stolen, then adapted into the limerick format. (I’m quite appalled at myself.)
Lenny Everson
lennypoet@hotmail.ca
****
Note on Format
If Twitter has a way to maintain line breaks, I haven’t found it. So if you want to send any of these as Tweets, you’ll have to replace the line breaks with slashes.
For example, the following limerick:
We’re gonna hide in a bog
With
only kibbles and grog
Cause the more I see
Of humanity
The
more I like my dog.
would be sent as:
We’re gonna hide in a bog/With only kibbles and grog/Cause the more I see/Of humanity/The more I like my dog.
This document has two parts. The first part has the limericks laid out in proper limerick form. The second part has the same limericks, but with the line breaks replaced with slashes for tweeting.
****
Sections
This book is divided into the following sections:
Politics
Love
Deep
Thoughts
More Deep Thoughts
Not-So-Deep Thoughts
More
Not-So-Deep Thoughts
Seasonal and Outdoorsy
The Arts
****
Chapter 2: Politics
It's a cheap thing to dis politicians. So I did.
Democracy’s noisy and blind
The
worst system out of man’s mind
The most foolish insanity
Of
humanity
Except for all of the others I find.
Our leaders - a curse
Sucking the
public purse
It won’t do what it should
But democracy’s
still good
‘Cause other systems somehow are worse
Yesterday’s answers, it’s
true
Are all he offers you
But he gets your vote
That wily
old goat
Every election, on cue
Our leader usually tries
To hide
his sense of surprise
When we give a high grade
To promises he
made
And believe even one of his lies
A toddler with a hammer, it’s
true
Can do less damage to you
Than elected men
Meeting
again
Planning to do something new
Strange bedfellows politics makes
(I
guess they do what it takes)
For kitten and skunk
Can share the
same bunk
Made up of voters’ mistakes
Send me money, rich brothers
And
some votes, poor mothers
You know my career’s
Managing
fears
And saving each, of course from the others
Politics: a set of acts
With
which our leader distracts
He plays out each scene
Trying not
to look mean
Ignoring, of course, all the facts
The commons with rancor is rife
Loud
with partisan strife
Oh, if I could
Prorogue I would
Someone’s
political life.
Politicians are bred
To think one
election ahead
A statesman, less clever
Is planning,
however
For the next generation instead
The world by rulers is marred
So
many nations scarred
Yes, any damn fool
Can manage to rule
It’s
learning to govern that’s hard
A good liberal you’ll make
Of
the high ground partake
Your ethics can soar
So long as
your
Own interests aren’t at stake
Socialists, it’s funny
Are by
nature sunny
Along the miles
Giving out smiles
With other
people’s money
“Give us our rights,” they
say
But if you did one day
What a pain!
They’d
complain
Now we’re taking away their wrongs
****
Chapter 3: Love
False promises often are told
About
fires just growing cold
But this I say
I found out one day
The
cruelest lies are in silence unfold
One day I’m sure that I’ll
Look
back and say with a smile
Love did not, I’ve found
Make the
world go round
But, ah, it did make the trip worthwhile
As the seed comes out of the
bloom
And we run to death from the womb
Try to remember
Our
fire and ember
For Earth, without love, is a tomb.
We’re in love, it’s true
But
love’s attraction, not glue
So keep in mind
I think you’re
divine
But love needs its spaces too
Humanity’s own badness
Generates
love and sadness
So call out the band
Give us a hand
For
love’s cosmological madness
Now the party’s done
The room’s
left with – one
Please don’t be
Sorry for me
Because now
I can see the sun
“I never missed the water,” you
cry
“Till the well ran dry”
I never knew
I’d miss
you
Until you said goodbye
When your heart has healed at
last
Just shrug, “it’s been a blast”
For a mill, you’ll
find
Cannot grind
With water that is past
Oh, the people you have worn
Since
the day you were born
Going your way
Is like licking, they
say
Honey off a thorn
Feeling a little forlorn?
Can’t
live with yourself this morn?
You got caught
You should have
thought
Of all this before you were born
About what you want to do
Silence
means consent, it’s true
But, you see
It could just be
That
no one’s listening to you
****
Chapter 4: Deep Thoughts
Sometimes just a bit too deep....
I find those reprehensible
Who
are just too sensible
About God above
Or the limits of love
And
anything just immensible
When the world gets all mailaisy
I’m
glad I don’t know I’m crazy
‘Cause sanity goes out
At
one’s first doubt
And the brain, all mayonnaisy
If your heart is sore
And getting
up’s a chore
Tomorrow’s outside
A brand-new ride
And
every new day is a door
You know, I’m not all that
bad
Basically a carefree lad
Really, I’m good
But
misunderstood
Just… eccentric a tad
Be careful of words that you
choose
A lie makes for speedy news
Barely hurled
It’s
round the world
While truth is still tying its shoes
A discovery? We should soar
But
often it goes into war
The devil’s got it
Went out and bought
it
Before science decides what it’s for
They rant, fume, fuss
Refuse to
even discuss
But destiny, I say
Isn’t laid out that way
Nor
is our duty set out for us
Some people are never exact
Live
in a matter of opinion, not fact
Approach them and nod
Pretend
you’re just awed
That, sir, is what is called tact
It ain’t no disgrace
To fall on
your face
You might find
In the next frame of mind
That the
ground is your natural place
It chills to the bone:
With faith
flown,
And fallen from grace
We’re left to face
Meaningless
alone
Every bar’s deep in chains
The
enemy, our very brains
But the more we drink
The less we
sink
Into ashes of the day’s remains
I’d be consistent, you know
If
I didn’t want to grow
And was as ignorant today
In every
way
As I was a year ago
Others saw apples fall, not fly
To
the earth, not sky
They saw it fall
But of all
Only Newton
asked why
With hope of redemption
slim
Humanity approaches the brim
I hope I can
Laugh at
man
To keep from crying for him
The world make my heart ache
With
more beauty than I can take
Sometimes I wonder
Was man a
blunder
Nature’s only mistake?
A little learning they’ve
got?
That’s a problem – not!
Nor dangerous be
To you and
me
Unless they think it’s a lot
After the pigs have flown
One
little truth be known
It’s easier to be mad
With every other
lad
Than to be sane alone
I toss the newspaper down
Throw
it to the ground
It gives me the blues
For this dismal news
A
forest to pulp was ground
Life is not as we planned it
We’re
unable to command it
Please forgive it
Because forward we live
it
But backwards we understand it
There’s many a lie today
Meant
to lead us astray
The big ones enthral
But the biggest of
all
Is the one that goes, “They say”
Maybe it’ll do no good
But I’ll
warn you as I should
There’s no bigger lie
You’re likely to
buy
Than a truth misunderstood
Against mankind’s legions
arrayed
Mama nature isn’t afraid
Foolish, we
For she
To
be commanded must be obeyed
No man an island?
Consider me a
highland
Linked to others
Sisters, brothers
Who live just
below myland
Life, after all, is
stone
Destination – bone
No braver man
Could be, than
In
facing meaninglessness alone
Good behavior, that’s huge
Or
so they tell each stooge
Go along for the ride
You’ll learn
to hide
In mediocrity’s last refuge
Some guys get suicidal
Just
finding themselves idle
It takes a strong horse
To find his own
course
When free of the bit and the bridle
Unstrap that bomb, and sit
Your
belief isn’t (you twit)
Necessarily true
Just because you
Are
willing to die for it.
Memory’s a strange old
hag’s
Collection of perfumed bags
Tossing away
Good food
each day
And hoarding some coloured rags
People, our government,
forsooth
Would rather conceal the truth
Haunted they
Every
day
By the spectre of the voting booth
A minority needs courage, it’s
true
To tackle the things they do
But on the way
Let me
say
The majority needs tolerance, too
When I surrender my soul
And get
dumped into a hole
Please say
What I did in my day
Was a
bridge, not a goal
The world’s a comedy today
To
those who think (they say)
But a tragedy real
To those who
feel
For a world gone astray
Gonna lie? Make it good
Out of
gold, not wood
Make it seem
More like a dream
Than anyone
thought you could
Maybe you’re getting wise
When
you finally realize
TV’s not food,
More like
half-chewed
Bubble gum for the eyes
He is truly wise
Who can rest his
eyes
On the morning news
Without getting the blues
And
reading between the lies
Sometimes science gets wings
When
somebody suddenly flings
Aside the obscure
The expected, the
sure
To study some “obvious” thing
You’re consistent? How strange
To
avoid the Idea Exchange
The foolish, thee
And the dead make
three
Whose opinions never change
Read the manual, learn the rules
We
don’t want to look like fools
Alas, now I believe
That
finally we’ve
Become the tools of our tools
****
Chapter 5: More Deep Thoughts
A committee’s an acquired
taste
Nothing gets done in haste
Minutes they keep
By those
not asleep
It’s the hours they waste
It’s a kind of a pity
That in
no park or city
Did anyone elect
To erect
A monument to a
committee
Getting “long in the
tooth”
Drinking too much vermouth
Sometimes you do
What’s
worst for you
To bear the weight of the truth
First thing a ruler must do:
To
his country be true
Don’t take any
Crap from the many
And
protect the rights of the few
Journalism today
Has somewhat
gone astray
It’s all wailing and thugs
And blood on the
rugs
And heroes with feet made of clay
The truth about computers lurks
It
wasn’t really made for jerks
Facts overriding
They’re
providing
Worldwide jobs for clerks
Rejecting truths clearly shown
And
lessons carved into stone
People are naïve
And choose to
believe
That which is least known
I guess you’ve had your
say
Rambling and ranting away
But your point of view
Many
not be true
Just because it’s useful today
Gather rosebuds while ye may
Time’s
flying away
You’ll find in sorrow
That’s gone tomorrow
The
flower that blooms today
People get sillier still
They
fall for every shill
What bothers, old chap
Isn’t the
credibility gap
But rather the gullibility fill
Those who get what they pursue
Don’t
just say, they do.
Dictionaries read
That ‘succeed”
Means
“to follow through”
From a freight car, it’s true
A
poor guy’ll take a thing or two
But give him an MBA
And maybe
someday
He’ll steal the railway too
I keep an open mind
But it’s
difficult, I find
People who see it’s open
Are always
hopin’
To toss their garbage in
Our world’s not so fine-ean!
Its
physics is Einsteinean
Its logic, though?
Wouldn’t you
know
Frankensteinean
I’m glad our knowledge has
grown
And for the learning we own
In the end
Less time we
spend
Dreading the unknown
When civilization’s spent
And
you wonder why it went
Decline starts now
If they won’t
allow
Intelligent discontent
A world warrior I’ll be
Or a
world citizen – see
The moment turns
My heart burns
For
the choice is up to me
Action’s not a mystery
Nor why
we get resistory
In the long haul
We are all
Citizens of
history
I’m held in thrall
By the
Middle of Nowhere’s call
I’d sooner wake there
In clear
air
Than in any city at all
Curing’s retail
Preventing’s
wholesale
No debate:
If we can’t get this straight
Our
health system’s gonna fail
Education’s a race
To teach the
right place
Of Man,
Civilization, and
The catastrophes we
face
Define “civilization?” Of
course;
I’ll tell you the source
From the beginning
It was
the winning
Of persuasion over force
Civilization advances, I say
(I’ll
explain, if I may)
In every war
When you’re
Killed in a
brand-new way
Mankind ascends
In odd
trends
From war to beans
We’ve perfected the means
But
still confused about ends
It isn’t the bombs we’ve
got
Where you’ll find the rot
Cynicism, confusion
And
disillusion
Are a more troublesome lot
Rules, the law, the court
Don’t
sell them short
Civilized, we
If violence be
The means of
last resort
Hey, sisters, brothers
And all
you mothers
Although me and you
Are equal, it’s true
Some
are more equal than others
If you’ve got it
Given it or
bought it
By far
Chances are
A trucker brought it
A service economy suffices?
I’ve
heard such advices
With factories in weeds
What Canada
needs
Are labor-making devices
Learning comes so slow
It seems
there’s little to show
Compulsory, it’s not
But take this
thought
Neither is survival, I know
If we think all the same way
It
seems to brighten the day
But when we do
I tell you
Someone’s
not thinking today
A fanatic’s the kind
Who can’t
change her mind
It’s strange
But she can’t change
The
subject, either, you’ll find.
Ignore the cheers and laughter
The
yells from floor to rafter
Don’t be couth
Just tell the
truth
But be sure to leave right after
Only a coward creeps
Approaching
infinite deeps
Go for the toss
You know you can’t cross
A
chasm in two leaps
If revenge is a thirst
And you’re
planning the worst
You can do
To you know who -
Just dig two
graves first
Sure, we want to prevail
And to
live to tell the tale
But be aware
Failure to prepare
Is
preparing to fail
In a life of roses and
thunder
Things splitting your world asunder
Take it all in
With
a wide grin
For the beginning of wisdom is wonder
He was the man of the hour
But
now our feelings sour
For the measure of a man
Is no more
than
What he does with power
Truth only distracts
From how
life impacts
Yes, truth, I say
Is, in its way
Far more
important than facts
Fact’s one thing, truth’s
another
Don’t confuse one with the other
Hey, forsooth
Fact
is to truth
Only a cousin, not a brother
The revolt went without a
hitch
Musta satisfied someone’s itch
The rich, for sure
Ended
up poor
But the poor somehow never got rich
Accomplishment’s a clue
When
the world measures you
Like gold panning
It takes more than
planning
What you’re going to do
Every day I read
How democracies
bleed
Hope, defeated
Their people cheated
By the forces of
organized greed
I watch the news and sigh
So many
questions “why”
So don’t think it odd
If I trust in
God
But keep my powder dry
****
Chapter 6: Not-So-Deep Thoughts
Gotta stop thinkin' and drinkin' at the same time, I guess.
I don’t like to blab
But some
days I’m a crab
I get mean
And almost obscene
In winter
when days become drab
Watching TV news
Would incline
one to the blues
So I turn on an ad
With some guy really
glad:
Hey, I have the right to choose!
Hey my heart was breakin’
Craving
eggs and bacon
So I started bitchin’
Now my wife’s in the
kitchen
But I wonder what she’s really makin’
You don’t have to be swift
To
know food’s a gift
But, however sweet
You shouldn’t
eat
More than you can lift
She reads then follows your
lead
Music, life set the speed
Less than romance
Tango’s
more than a dance
Bound together – and freed
As I get older each day
I’ve
changed in one sure way
Happy, to listen, I be
To those, you
see
Who don’t have much to say
Verbal sparring’s my delight
But
people just take flight
The reason, you see
Must surely be
That
I’m so always right
Trip on a crack
Go down with a
smack
Watch the blue sky
And birdies go by
And enjoy life,
down on your back
Of course I don’t react!
My
life has been only an act
You think you see
The mask that is
me
It’s not, as a matter of fact
For five days God made;
inspired
Stuff much admired
Peanuts and wine
Turned out
fine
But humans –
You don’t do so good when you’re tired
The way you say, “ah!”
When
you take off your bra
Makes me think, honey
We can save
money
And cancel that trip to the spa.
I’d bet my only daughter
There’s
not much wetter’n water
It’s good for drinks
Hockey
rinks
And a home for the wily otter.
The meaning of life, my son
When
all is said and done
You’ll enjoy it best
And get more
rest
When you learn there is none
Knowing what humanity’s at
I’ve
decided that
The more I see
Of how things be
The more I like
my cat
“Money talks; you’ll see”
I
cannot disagree
I’ve learned it talks
And also walks
Because
it said “Goodbye” to me
No jumping to conclusions –
That
creates illusions,
Keep silent, men
Listen, then
Draw your
own confusions!
Amid craziness and lies
It’s
foolish to be wise
Have the guts
To just go nuts
And join
the rest of the guys!
I’ve often thought that
Life
would be flat
If we walked around
Not making a sound
With
nothing to grumble at
You, son, can still get fame
Have
people remember your name
With a bit of C4
One kilo or more
And
someone, of course, to blame
Following a crazy master
They run
a road to disaster
Don’t they know
Even limping slow
On
the right road is faster
No advice I spurn
But consider it
in turn
For no-one yet
Have I met
From whom I could not
learn
Ah, madness in spring
Is a fine
old thing
Just a bit
Will do it
For commoner or king
A little learning, I thought
Often
don’t mean squat
But find, I do
A lot of ignorance, too
Ain’t
either all that hot
Folk songs (it’s true)
Will
rehabilitate you
If you’re willin’
To hear some Dylan
And
a lot of James Gordon too
My life? I tell ya, kid
Was sorta
like a squid
Wearing a paper skin
And learning the violin
In
public, while I did
The tyranny of TV news
Can drive
a guy to booze
I find I’m caught
In whatever thought
That
they carefully choose
God bless Edison tonight
If he
hadn’t got things right
We’d all be
Watching TV
Only by
candlelight
Retirement – I could go thru
All
the things I intended to do….
I thought I’d have time
But
now I’m
Busy with nothing to do!
The advice is over the top
“Hey!
Slow down! Stop!”
But by middle age
My advising sage
Is,
alas, my doctor, not a cop
Is that three buxom lasses
Trapped
in pure molasses?
Oops, just some trees
Swaying in the
breeze...
But I'm glad I found my glasses
Retirement’s not like a
shelf
Where you live like an old garden elf
There’s plenty to
do
At least, if you
Can learn to live with yourself
What’s this year to me?
It’s
when I learned to BE
To accept and forgive
Then laugh, love,
and live
Like no one could see
In middle age you’ve got
More
lukewarm than hot
You can do as much
Of work and such…
But
would rather not
Money- I could live without it
Ah!
Don’t you doubt it
The trouble, you see
Isn’t me
It’s
that the world is crazy about it
****
Chapter 7: More Not-So-Deep Thoughts
Computers someday, I’ve read
Will
think like a human head
But the danger is real
That someday
we’ll
Think like computers instead
Anchored in nonsense are they
I
guess they’re happier that way
Than to make a boat
That might
float
On some seas of thought today
To yourself be true
My son, for
if you do
Every man
Will know he can
Put his trust in you
I look back on the year
Add up
each laugh and tear
It wasn’t that bad
Really, I had
Nothing
to fear but fear
O my boss, you’ve
Had the luck
to move
To your Incompetence Level
And the Devil
Will be
happy to approve
My boss, that jerk
Loves each
management perk
Like setting my goals
With bizarre
controls
Making it difficult to work
Oh, how I dote
On the books I
never wrote
Published works
Are just for jerks
And some
hungry goat
I really feel
some fear
When I look into the mirr
Or when I go to
My
recent photo
I can really use a beer
I’m not really a smartee
A
failure at repartee
The perfect words, you see
Always come to
me
Just after I’m a departee
A better artist you’ll be
Without
reality
If you change into truth
In a telephone booth
And
shut your eyes to see
Never pentacostic
Not even
acrostic
Life’s as much sense
As a butterfly fence
And
that’s why I’m an agnostic
I see you’ve been getting
hell
“What a loser!’ they yell
Ignore the booing –
If
it’s not worth doing
It’s worth not doing well
Cats fight, I’ve found
The fury
much renowned
Fur will fly
Makes me wonder why
There are so
many kittens around
In living day to day
Some wisdom
comes my way
Like (I concede)
If at first you don’t
succeed
Give up skydiving, I say
****
Chapter 8: Seasonal and Outdoorsy
Starting with that late-winter restlessness, and moving on to mountain biking.
Outside, winter proceeds
The
birds are into the seeds
And I keep a beer
Cold, and near
We’re
fulfilling their personal needs
Water, from rooftops, flow!
Melt,
you grungy old snow!
I prefer my bicycle
To the prettiest
icicle:
It’s been a fine winter, but – go!
Water, from rooftops, flow!
Melt,
you grungy old snow!
I prefer my bicycle
To the prettiest
icicle:
It’s been a fine winter, but – go!
Twiddle-dee-dee
Water breaks
free
I say, heart-felt
That an early melt
Is more than
alright with me.
Ivory hills of snow
Turn to
water, I know
Well, I’ll remember the white
Some summer
night
By the campfire’s glow
You, February, I won’t miss
Not
a pleasant month, this
Take your cold and snow
And as you go
I
bend over, blow you a kiss.
Old photos and beer, that beats
a
View out the window that greets a
Guy getting cheer
From a
two-four of beer
And another big slice of a pizza.
Water’s movement seems
To hold
the season’s streams
And in the rain
I learn again
The
seaward flow of dreams
Find the gear, find the pace
Avoid
trees, find space
Forgetting trouble
Intense in my bubble
And
a grin all over my face
The troubles of the year
Just
disappear
Mist of the morn
One guy reborn
In wheel, pedal,
and gear
Immoveable pillars beside
A dirt
snake ten inches wide
The trail twists; I grin
Glad to be
in
This forest rodeo ride
The drive, the mud, the rain
The
slip, the crash, the pain
I get up, then
Start again
Someone
around here’s insane!
****
Chapter 9: The Arts
Cruelly real, or abstract
Not
always rife with tact
Poetry grows
Like a rose
Finding in
imagery, fact
Away the orchestra floats
The
audience puts on their coats
Do they know, of the art
The
largest part
Was found between the lines?
Art’s an interest, you
say
Something you’re doing today?
If in doubt
Stay
out
Art’s not a thing, it’s a way!
The quality of art, you state
Is
a matter of debate
No! Any art
Is always part
Of a revolt
against Man’s fate
Art should cross fences
Laughing
at pretences
Spicily seasoned
A carefully reasoned
Derangement
of the senses
Half of music’s no more
than
Whispers from the Great God Pan
Notes are seeds
From
his reeds
Loving chaos his only plan
The soul perseveres
Among the
café pioneers
The writing numbs
A poem becomes
Trouble,
drowned in tears
A poem’s a wizened elf
I drag
down from some shelf
I shivers my spine
When I write a line
I
don’t understand myself
Poetry’s role, I feel
Is never
to conceal
Nor to teach
But make each
Truth more truly real
Call her reality’s sleuth
Poking
at the aching tooth
Ember and fire
The poet’s a liar
Who
always speaks the truth
Into the canyon, a rose
A poet
carefully throws
He publishes a book
Try not to look
The
effect’s the same, he knows
Hurt, the poet squeals
Writes, a
poem, heals
But all that pain
Is just in vain
Unless the
reader, too, feels
I write free verse, and yet
Those
words I soon forget
If it don’t rhyme
It’s like I’m
Playing
tennis without a net
A poet is seldom swayed
By the
money he hasn’t made
The income is low
But, you know
Poets
are born, not paid
Remember, when you’re bored
Pen
– mightier than sword
So write what’s true
Later, we’ll
award you
A posthumous award
An artistic dream you’ve
nursed
For its glory you thirst
Please take heed –
Of the
things you need
Confidence in nonsense comes first
High-ho good fellow
I want a
sound that’s mellow
Not one that’s
Like dying cats
So
please put away your cello
This instrument’s role
Is
distressing one’s soul
A cello’s the wail
Of a guy thrown
in jail
For life with no chance of parole
Are you sandpapering a cat?
Well,
it sounds like that
That cello’s in pain
But then again
I
kinds like where it’s at!
I’m kinda getting uster
Strangling
my rooster
And getting mellow
Caressing my cello
And you
can’t prove I ever abuseder
Timpani’s the sound of
God
Stomping earthly sod
Yelling, “What a bummer!
Every
drummer
Is more than a little bit odd.”
Sometimes I think in wonder
That
timpani’s thunder
Cries “Vandals! Bent
With cruel intent
On
pillage, rape, and plunder”
Is timpani’s thunder
From
Heaven rent asunder
And a horse, rough-shod
Carrying
God
Rolling this whole world under?
An oboe’s the sound of a
duck
Whining about her luck
The kids are grown
Her friends
are flown
And she’s about to be hit by a truck
Sounding like the brake of a
train
And a guy with little to gain
The cry of an oboe
Is an
arthritic hobo
Finding shelter from the rain
An oboe’s a little bit gay
(Not
meant in a pejorative way)
But be it known
It wants to be
blown
Once, at least, today
**** END of PART ONE****
Chapter 10: The Poems in Tweetable Form
This is part two, which contains the same limericks, but with the line breaks replaced with slashes for easy tweeting.
****Part Two****
****
Politics
It's a cheap thing to dis politicians. So I did.
Democracy’s noisy and blind/The worst system out of man’s mind/The most foolish insanity/Of humanity/Except for all of the others I find.
Our leaders - a curse/Sucking the public purse/It won’t do what it should/But democracy’s still good/‘Cause other systems somehow are worse
Yesterday’s answers, it’s true/Are all he offers you/But he gets your vote/That wily old goat/Every election, on cue
Our leader usually tries/To hide his sense of surprise/When we give a high grade/To promises he made/And believe even one of his lies
A toddler with a hammer, it’s true/Can do less damage to you/Than elected men/Meeting again/Planning to do something new
Strange bedfellows politics makes/(I guess they do what it takes)/For kitten and skunk/Can share the same bunk/Made up of voters’ mistakes
Send me money, rich brothers/And some votes, poor mothers/You know my career’s/Managing fears/And saving each, of course from the others
Politics: a set of acts/With which our leader distracts/He plays out each scene/Trying not to look mean/Ignoring, of course, all the facts
The commons with rancor is rife/Loud with partisan strife/Oh, if I could/Prorogue I would/Someone’s political life.
Politicians are bred/To think one election ahead/A statesman, less clever/Is planning, however/For the next generation instead
The world by rulers is marred/So many nations scarred/Yes, any damn fool/Can manage to rule/It’s learning to govern that’s hard
A good liberal you’ll make/Of the high ground partake/Your ethics can soar/So long as your/Own interests aren’t at stake
Socialists, it’s funny/Are by nature sunny/Along the miles/Giving out smiles/With other people’s money
“Give us our rights,” they say/But if you did one day/What a pain!/They’d complain/Now we’re taking away their wrongs
****
Love
False promises often are told/About fires just growing cold/But this I say/I found out one day/The cruelest lies are in silence unfold
One day I’m sure that I’ll/Look back and say with a smile/Love did not, I’ve found/Make the world go round/But, ah, it did make the trip worthwhile
As the seed comes out of the bloom/And we run to death from the womb/Try to remember/Our fire and ember/For Earth, without love, is a tomb.
We’re in love, it’s true/But love’s attraction, not glue/So keep in mind/I think you’re divine/But love needs its spaces too
Humanity’s own badness/Generates love and sadness/So call out the band/Give us a hand/For love’s cosmological madness
Now the party’s done/The room’s left with – one/Please don’t be/Sorry for me/Because now I can see the sun
“I never missed the water,” you cry/“Till the well ran dry”/I never knew/I’d miss you/Until you said goodbye
When your heart has healed at last/Just shrug, “it’s been a blast”/For a mill, you’ll find/Cannot grind/With water that is past
Oh, the people you have worn/Since the day you were born/Going your way/Is like licking, they say/Honey off a thorn
Feeling a little forlorn?/Can’t live with yourself this morn?/You got caught/You should have thought/Of all this before you were born
About what you want to do/Silence means consent, it’s true/But, you see/It could just be/That no one’s listening to you
****
Deep Thoughts
Sometimes just a bit too deep....
I find those reprehensible/Who are just too sensible/About God above/Or the limits of love/And anything just immensible
When the world gets all mailaisy/I’m glad I don’t know I’m crazy/‘Cause sanity goes out/At one’s first doubt/And the brain, all mayonnaisy
If your heart is sore/And getting up’s a chore/Tomorrow’s outside/A brand-new ride/And every new day is a door
You know, I’m not all that bad/Basically a carefree lad/Really, I’m good/But misunderstood/Just… eccentric a tad
Be careful of words that you choose/A lie makes for speedy news/Barely hurled/It’s round the world/While truth is still tying its shoes
A discovery? We should soar/But often it goes into war/The devil’s got it/Went out and bought it/Before science decides what it’s for
They rant, fume, fuss/Refuse to even discuss/But destiny, I say/Isn’t laid out that way/Nor is our duty set out for us
Some people are never exact/Live in a matter of opinion, not fact/Approach them and nod/Pretend you’re just awed/That, sir, is what is called tact
It ain’t no disgrace/To fall on your face/You might find/In the next frame of mind/That the ground is your natural place
It chills to the bone:/With faith flown,/And fallen from grace/We’re left to face/Meaningless alone
Every bar’s deep in chains/The enemy, our very brains/But the more we drink/The less we sink/Into ashes of the day’s remains
I’d be consistent, you know/If I didn’t want to grow/And was as ignorant today/In every way/As I was a year ago
Others saw apples fall, not fly/To the earth, not sky/They saw it fall/But of all/Only Newton asked why
With hope of redemption slim/Humanity approaches the brim/I hope I can/Laugh at man/To keep from crying for him
The world make my heart ache/With more beauty than I can take/Sometimes I wonder/Was man a blunder/Nature’s only mistake?
A little learning they’ve got?/That’s a problem – not!/Nor dangerous be/To you and me/Unless they think it’s a lot
After the pigs have flown/One little truth be known/It’s easier to be mad/With every other lad/Than to be sane alone
I toss the newspaper down/Throw it to the ground/It gives me the blues/For this dismal news/A forest to pulp was ground
Life is not as we planned it/We’re unable to command it/Please forgive it/Because forward we live it/But backwards we understand it
There’s many a lie today/Meant to lead us astray/The big ones enthral/But the biggest of all/Is the one that goes, “They say”
Maybe it’ll do no good/But I’ll warn you as I should/There’s no bigger lie/You’re likely to buy/Than a truth misunderstood
Against mankind’s legions arrayed/Mama nature isn’t afraid/Foolish, we/For she/To be commanded must be obeyed
No man an island?/Consider me a highland/Linked to others/Sisters, brothers/Who live just below myland
Life, after all, is stone/Destination – bone/No braver man/Could be, than/In facing meaninglessness alone
Good behavior, that’s huge/Or so they tell each stooge/Go along for the ride/You’ll learn to hide/In mediocrity’s last refuge
Some guys get suicidal/Just finding themselves idle/It takes a strong horse/To find his own course/When free of the bit and the bridle
Unstrap that bomb, and sit/Your belief isn’t (you twit)/Necessarily true/Just because you/Are willing to die for it.
Memory’s a strange old hag’s/Collection of perfumed bags/Tossing away/Good food each day/And hoarding some coloured rags
People, our government, forsooth/Would rather conceal the truth/Haunted they/Every day/By the spectre of the voting booth
A minority needs courage, it’s true/To tackle the things they do/But on the way/Let me say/The majority needs tolerance, too
When I surrender my soul/And get dumped into a hole/Please say/What I did in my day/Was a bridge, not a goal
The world’s a comedy today/To those who think (they say)/But a tragedy real/To those who feel/For a world gone astray
Gonna lie? Make it good/Out of gold, not wood/Make it seem/More like a dream/Than anyone thought you could
Maybe you’re getting wise/When you finally realize/TV’s not food, /More like half-chewed/Bubble gum for the eyes
He is truly wise/Who can rest his eyes/On the morning news/Without getting the blues/And reading between the lies
Sometimes science gets wings/When somebody suddenly flings/Aside the obscure/The expected, the sure/To study some “obvious” thing
You’re consistent? How strange/To avoid the Idea Exchange/The foolish, thee/And the dead make three/Whose opinions never change
Read the manual, learn the rules/We don’t want to look like fools/Alas, now I believe/That finally we’ve/Become the tools of our tools
****
More Deep Thoughts
A committee’s an acquired taste/Nothing gets done in haste/Minutes they keep/By those not asleep/It’s the hours they waste
It’s a kind of a pity/That in no park or city/Did anyone elect/To erect/A monument to a committee
Getting “long in the truth”/Drinking too much vermouth/Sometimes you do/What’s worst for you/To bear the weight of the truth
First thing a ruler must do:/To his country be true/Don’t take any/Crap from the many/And protect the rights of the few
Journalism today/Has somewhat gone astray/It’s all wailing and thugs/And blood on the rugs/And heroes with feet made of clay
The truth about computers lurks/It wasn’t really made for jerks/Facts overriding/They’re providing/Worldwide jobs for clerks
Rejecting truths clearly shown/And lessons carved into stone/People are naïve/And choose to believe/That which is least known
I guess you’ve had your say/Rambling and ranting away/But your point of view/Many not be true/Just because it’s useful today
Gather rosebuds while ye may/Time’s flying away/You’ll find in sorrow/That’s gone tomorrow/The flower that blooms today
People get sillier still/They fall for every shill/What bothers, old chap/Isn’t the credibility gap/But rather the gullibility fill
Those who get what they pursue/Don’t just say, they do./Dictionaries read/That ‘succeed”/Means “to follow through”
From a freight car, it’s true/A poor guy’ll take a thing or two/But give him an MBA/And maybe someday/He’ll steal the railway too
I keep an open mind/But it’s difficult, I find/People who see it’s open/Are always hopin’/To toss their garbage in
Our world’s not so fine-ean!/Its physics is Einsteinean/Its logic, though?/Wouldn’t you know/Frankensteinean
I’m glad our knowledge has grown/And for the learning we own/In the end/Less time we spend/Dreading the unknown
When civilization’s spent/And you wonder why it went/Decline starts now/If they won’t allow/Intelligent discontent
A world warrior I’ll be/Or a world citizen – see/The moment turns/My heart burns/For the choice is up to me
Action’s not a mystery/Nor why we get resistory/In the long haul/We are all/Citizens of history
I’m held in thrall/By the Middle of Nowhere’s call/I’d sooner wake there/In clear air/Than in any city at all
Curing’s retail/Preventing’s wholesale/No debate:/If we can’t get this straight/Our health system’s gonna fail
Education’s a race/To teach the right place/Of Man,/Civilization, and/The catastrophes we face
Define “civilization?” Of course;/I’ll tell you the source/From the beginning/It was the winning/Of persuasion over force
Civilization advances, I say/(I’ll explain, if I may)/In every war/When you’re/Killed in a brand-new way
Mankind ascends/In odd trends/From war to beans/We’ve perfected the means/But still confused about ends
It isn’t the bombs we’ve got/Where you’ll find the rot/Cynicism, confusion/And disillusion/Are a more troublesome lot
Rules, the law, the court/Don’t sell them short/Civilized, we/If violence be/The means of last resort
Hey, sisters, brothers/And all you mothers/Although me and you/Are equal, it’s true/Some are more equal than others
If you’ve got it/Given it or bought it/By far/Chances are/A trucker brought it
A service economy suffices?/I’ve heard such advices/With factories in weeds/What Canada needs/Are labor-making devices
Learning comes so slow/It seems there’s little to show/Compulsory, it’s not/But take this thought/Neither is survival, I know
If we think all the same way/It seems to brighten the day/But when we do/I tell you/Someone’s not thinking today
A fanatic’s the kind/Who can’t change her mind/It’s strange/But she can’t change/The subject, either, you’ll find.
Ignore the cheers and laughter/The yells from floor to rafter/Don’t be couth/Just tell the truth/But be sure to leave right after
Only a coward creeps/Approaching infinite deeps/Go for the toss/You know you can’t cross/A chasm in two leaps
If revenge is a thirst/And you’re planning the worst/You can do/To you know who -/Just dig two graves first
Sure, we want to prevail/And to live to tell the tale/But be aware/Failure to prepare/Is preparing to fail
In a life of roses and thunder/Things splitting your world asunder/Take it all in/With a wide grin/For the beginning of wisdom is wonder
He was the man of the hour/But now our feelings sour/For the measure of a man/Is no more than/What he does with power
Truth only distracts/From how life impacts/Yes, truth, I say/Is, in its way/Far more important than facts
Fact’s one thing, truth’s another/Don’t confuse one with the other/Hey, forsooth/Fact is to truth/Only a cousin, not a brother
The revolt went without a hitch/Musta satisfied someone’s itch/The rich, for sure/Ended up poor/But the poor somehow never got rich
Accomplishment’s a clue/When the world measures you/Like gold panning/It takes more than planning/What you’re going to do
Every day I read/How democracies bleed/Hope, defeated/Their people cheated/By the forces of organized greed
I watch the news and sigh/So many questions “why”/So don’t think it odd/If I trust in God/But keep my powder dry
****
Not-So-Deep Thoughts
Gotta stop thinkin' and drinkin' at the same time, I guess.
I don’t like to blab/But some days I’m a crab/I get mean/And almost obscene/In winter when days become drab
Watching TV news/Would incline one to the blues/So I turn on an ad/With some guy really glad:/Hey, I have the right to choose!
Hey my heart was breakin’/Craving eggs and bacon/So I started bitchin’/Now my wife’s in the kitchen/But I wonder what she’s really makin’
You don’t have to be swift/To know food’s a gift/But, however sweet/You shouldn’t eat/More than you can lift
She reads then follows your lead/Music, life set the speed/Less than romance/Tango’s more than a dance/Bound together – and freed
As I get older each day/I’ve changed in one sure way/Happy, to listen, I be/To those, you see/Who don’t have much to say
Verbal sparring’s my delight/But people just take flight/The reason, you see/Must surely be/That I’m so always right
Trip on a crack/Go down with a smack/Watch the blue sky/And birdies go by/And enjoy life, down on your back
Of course I don’t react!/My life has been only an act/You think you see/The mask that is me/It’s not, as a matter of fact
For five days God made; inspired/Stuff much admired/Peanuts and wine/Turned out fine/But humans –/You don’t do so good when you’re tired
The way you say, “ah!”/When you take off your bra/Makes me think, honey/We can save money/And cancel that trip to the spa.
I’d bet my only daughter/There’s not much wetter’n water/It’s good for drinks/Hockey rinks/And a home for the wily otter.
The meaning of life, my son/When all is said and done/You’ll enjoy it best/And get more rest/When you learn there is none
Knowing what humanity’s at/I’ve decided that/The more I see/Of how things be/The more I like my cat
“Money talks; you’ll see”/I cannot disagree/I’ve learned it talks/And also walks/Because it said “Goodbye” to me
No jumping to conclusions – /That creates illusions,/Keep silent, men/Listen, then/Draw your own confusions!
Amid craziness and lies/It’s foolish to be wise/Have the guts/To just go nuts/And join the rest of the guys!
I’ve often thought that/Life would be flat/If we walked around/Not making a sound/With nothing to grumble at
You, son, can still get fame/Have people remember your name/With a bit of C4/One kilo or more/And someone, of course, to blame
Following a crazy master/They run a road to disaster/Don’t they know/Even limping slow/On the right road is faster
No advice I spurn/But consider it in turn/For no-one yet/Have I met/From whom I could not learn
Ah, madness in spring/Is a fine old thing/Just a bit/Will do it/For commoner or king
A little learning, I thought/Often don’t mean squat/But find, I do/A lot of ignorance, too/Ain’t either all that hot
Folk songs (it’s true)/Will rehabilitate you/If you’re willin’/To hear some Dylan/And a lot of James Gordon too
My life? I tell ya, kid/Was sorta like a squid/Wearing a paper skin/And learning the violin/In public, while I did
The tyranny of TV news/Can drive a guy to booze/I find I’m caught/In whatever thought/That they carefully choose
God bless Edison tonight/If he hadn’t got things right/We’d all be/Watching TV/Only by candlelight
Retirement – I could go thru/All the things I intended to do…./I thought I’d have time/But now I’m/Busy with nothing to do!
The advice is over the top/“Hey! Slow down! Stop!”/But by middle age/My advising sage/Is, alas, my doctor, not a cop
Is that three buxom lasses/Trapped in pure molasses?/Oops, just some trees/Swaying in the breeze.../But I'm glad I found my glasses
Retirement’s not like a shelf/Where you live like an old garden elf/There’s plenty to do/At least, if you/Can learn to live with yourself
What’s this year to me?/It’s when I learned to BE/To accept and forgive/Then laugh, love, and live/Like no one could see
In middle age you’ve got/More lukewarm than hot/You can do as much/Of work and such…/But would rather not
Money- I could live without it/Ah! Don’t you doubt it/The trouble, you see/Isn’t me/It’s that the world is crazy about it
****
More Not-So-Deep Thoughts
Computers someday, I’ve read/Will think like a human head/But the danger is real/That someday we’ll/Think like computers instead
Anchored in nonsense are they/I guess they’re happier that way/Than to make a boat/That might float/On some seas of thought today
To yourself be true/My son, for if you do/Every man/Will know he can/Put his trust in you
I look back on the year/Add up each laugh and tear/It wasn’t that bad/Really, I had/Nothing to fear but fear
O my boss, you’ve/Had the luck to move/To your Incompetence Level/And the Devil/Will be happy to approve
My boss, that jerk/Loves each management perk/Like setting my goals/With bizarre controls/Making it difficult to work
Oh, how I dote/On the books I never wrote/Published works/Are just for jerks/And some hungry goat
I really feel some fear/When I look into the mirr/Or when I go to/My recent photo/I can really use a beer
I’m not really a smartee/A failure at repartee/The perfect words, you see/Always come to me/Just after I’m a departee
A better artist you’ll be/Without reality/If you change into truth/In a telephone booth/And shut your eyes to see
Never pentacostic/Not even acrostic/Life’s as much sense/As a butterfly fence/And that’s why I’m an agnostic
I see you’ve been getting hell/“What a loser!’ they yell/Ignore the booing –/If it’s not worth doing/It’s worth not doing well
Cats fight, I’ve found/The fury much renowned/Fur will fly/Makes me wonder why/There are so many kittens around
In living day to day/Some wisdom comes my way/Like (I concede)/If at first you don’t succeed/Give up skydiving, I say
****
Seasonal and Outdoorsy
Starting with that late-winter restlessness, and moving on to mountain biking.
Outside, winter proceeds/The birds are into the seeds/And I keep a beer/Cold, and near/We’re fulfilling their personal needs
Water, from rooftops, flow!/Melt, you grungy old snow!/I prefer my bicycle/To the prettiest icicle:/It’s been a fine winter, but – go!
Water, from rooftops, flow!/Melt, you grungy old snow!/I prefer my bicycle/To the prettiest icicle:/It’s been a fine winter, but – go!
Twiddle-dee-dee/Water breaks free/I say, heart-felt/That an early melt/Is more than alright with me.
Ivory hills of snow/Turn to water, I know/Well, I’ll remember the white/Some summer night/By the campfire’s glow
You, February, I won’t miss/Not a pleasant month, this/Take your cold and snow/And as you go/I bend over, blow you a kiss.
Old photos and beer, that beats a/View out the window that greets a/Guy getting cheer/From a two-four of beer/And another big slice of a pizza.
Water’s movement seems/To hold the season’s streams/And in the rain/I learn again/The seaward flow of dreams
Find the gear, find the pace/Avoid trees, find space/Forgetting trouble/Intense in my bubble/And a grin all over my face
The troubles of the year/Just disappear/Mist of the morn/One guy reborn/In wheel, pedal, and gear
Immoveable pillars beside/A dirt snake ten inches wide/The trail twists; I grin/Glad to be in/This forest rodeo ride
The drive, the mud, the rain/The slip, the crash, the pain/I get up, then/Start again/Someone around here’s insane!
****
The Arts
Cruelly real, or abstract/Not always rife with tact/Poetry grows/Like a rose/Finding in imagery, fact
Away the orchestra floats/The audience puts on their coats/Do they know, of the art/The largest part/Was found between the lines?
Art’s an interest, you say/Something you’re doing today?/If in doubt /Stay out/Art’s not a thing, it’s a way!
The quality of art, you state/Is a matter of debate/No! Any art/Is always part/Of a revolt against Man’s fate
Art should cross fences/Laughing at pretences/Spicily seasoned/A carefully reasoned/Derangement of the senses
Half of music’s no more than/Whispers from the Great God Pan/Notes are seeds/From his reeds/Loving chaos his only plan
The soul perseveres/Among the café pioneers/The writing numbs/A poem becomes/Trouble, drowned in tears
A poem’s a wizened elf/I drag down from some shelf/I shivers my spine/When I write a line/I don’t understand myself
Poetry’s role, I feel/Is never to conceal/Nor to teach/But make each/Truth more truly real
Call her reality’s sleuth/Poking at the aching tooth/Ember and fire/The poet’s a liar/Who always speaks the truth
Into the canyon, a rose/A poet carefully throws/He publishes a book/Try not to look/The effect’s the same, he knows
Hurt, the poet squeals/Writes, a poem, heals/But all that pain/Is just in vain/Unless the reader, too, feels
I write free verse, and yet/Those words I soon forget/If it don’t rhyme/It’s like I’m/Playing tennis without a net
A poet is seldom swayed/By the money he hasn’t made/The income is low/But, you know/Poets are born, not paid
Remember, when you’re bored/Pen – mightier than sword/So write what’s true/Later, we’ll award you/A posthumous award
An artistic dream you’ve nursed/For its glory you thirst/Please take heed –/Of the things you need/Confidence in nonsense comes first
High-ho good fellow/I want a sound that’s mellow/Not one that’s/Like dying cats/So please put away your cello
This instrument’s role/Is distressing one’s soul/A cello’s the wail/Of a guy thrown in jail/For life with no chance of parole
Are you sandpapering a cat?/Well, it sounds like that/That cello’s in pain/But then again/I kinds like where it’s at!
I’m kinda getting uster/Strangling my rooster/And getting mellow/Caressing my cello /And you can’t prove I ever abuseder
Timpani’s the sound of God/Stomping earthly sod/Yelling, “What a bummer!/Every drummer/Is more than a little bit odd.”
Sometimes I think in wonder/That timpani’s thunder/Cries “Vandals! Bent/With cruel intent/On pillage, rape, and plunder”
Is timpani’s thunder/From Heaven rent asunder/And a horse, rough-shod/Carrying God/Rolling this whole world under?
An oboe’s the sound of a duck/Whining about her luck/The kids are grown/Her friends are flown/And she’s about to be hit by a truck
Sounding like the brake of a train/And a guy with little to gain/The cry of an oboe/Is an arthritic hobo/Finding shelter from the rain
An oboe’s a little bit gay/(Not meant in a pejorative way)/But be it known/It wants to be blown/Once, at least, today
**** END of BOOK****