Poets Life
Copyright 2011 by 4E Inc
Smashwords Edition
Poets Life
Hey everyone, first thing is first I want to thank all y'all
for taking the time to download this brand new eBook done by myself
Shane Diamond of 4E Inc (http://4Einc.vze.com as I know it's been a
while since anyone here at 4E Inc has released anything at this point
in time. Feel free to leave comments whereever you find this eBook to
download as most sites allow comments as we're always interested in
hearing what y'all thought about what we wrote and such.
Anyways
enough about that the reason why I decided to write this eBook and
call it “Poets Life” well I've had the cover done up for about
two years now as it's just been sitting there this is a project that
I have talked about doing for the last little while but nothing has
come of it till now. So I'm finally sitting down to do this release,
the reason why now seems like the best time of any is because I've
been having a hard time with a lot of things as my Mom is dating some
new guy who I'm not a fan of and it seems like my life is getting a
lot worse, so I'm questioning things in my life right now.. I'm
questioning everything really from myself on the inside to religon to
my pathway of life and what the future may or may not hold for me
including if the path I'm currently on is the right one, should I be
writing or should I be doing something else.
My
Life
Why haven't you taken my life away from me.
Better
people should be left on this planet and I should be casted away.
To
the eternal bliss that is known as the after life is where I should
be floating.
Instead I'm living on this planet you call earth when
you've taken better people and left me.
My Father was taken to
me at a young age but it should have been me in my sleep.
I prayed
for my life to end and theres to get better.
I'm the one thing
that they don't need in there life in order for things to blossom.
I
haven't had the luxery of living a good life as everyone around me
has been taken.
Everyday I struggle with the common problems so I
bury my face into the computer in hopes of finding a way out to
better myself.
But nothing, comes forth as I still wake up each
morning wishing that I wouldn't be living anymore.
Just take
me away from this, if this is my life that I am set out to live I've
seen all the lows that I need to see I would like some alltime highs
to propel my life.
Let me be in the casket as I remain underground
to live out the days from morning to night.
Is it
possible for my life to get any better as I hope that I find the
strength to live on.
- Shane Diamond -
My
Savior
Do I even have a Savior above whose watching over my
every move.
Sending my
signs letting me know what's the wrong way and what's the
right.
Being guided from the almighty above in order to continue
my life with the proper way to live.
Or am I being tormented from
the depths below in order to bring me closer to my demise.
Where is
my life leading me, what's the path that I have chosen, where will I
end up.
These are all questioned by me on a daily basis, why is it
that I've gotten to this point with no where to turn, why is it that
my father was the one taken from me and me not taken from my parents
to allow them a better life... For everyone to be happy.
Is it
possible at all for me to live a better life knowing that nobody is
willing to give me that chance.
Perhaps my life is on a downward
slope that'll remain going deeper and darker until my demise.
Perhaps it
is time for me to learn what the true ways of life is.
Perhaps one
day soon I will meet
My
Savior
- Shane Diamond -
I Need A Sign
Ever since
December 20th 2005 when my father died via vehicular homicide I
needed a sign knowing what I'm doing is right or am I now screwing up
two lives instead of just one.
My wife, my girl... no matter the
name she looks to me for support I never know what to say as I feel
that all my direction is wrong.
Not knowing where to turn, not
knowing where to go next or where to hunt for a job.
Been out of
work since nobody wants to give me the chance.
Show me a
sign that I'm atleast doing soemthing right, to allow myself the
knowledge to go on with my life as things are going or should I
change, Change to what ?. Should I change myself completely in order
to better myself, should I not be myself and just change everything
about me.
What should I do, give me a sign showing me that I've
done something in my life right.
Can my life get better than
what it is, or am I at it's peak.
- Shane Diamond -
Fuckin Pissd
Here I sit knowin a girl for almost three years, an we can't be in the room together without acusations.
But you be datin some guy an now sleepin at his place.
From the moment the call came in I felt the cold shoulder.
Already tryin to replace my father, with the next guy.
The next guy who comes along you jump onto.
As I looked for a parental figure in my life I wonder if I'd ever find one.
It's obviously not you, since you don't seem to notice what your doin to me.
You are always too busy an too into him to notice your own child.
The last time you needed me I was there.
How did that turn so quickly it's like I'm not even there.
I'm the wall that gets all the shit thrown at it, never anythin good sent my way.
I don't know what I'm goin to do anymore, I know now I don't have a parental figure.
Guess I gotta find my own path in life, havin to deal with my own shit, an keep it to myself.
You may not know but I know that I'm FUCKIN PISSD
- Shane Diamond -
Down
Hill
As my life continues to slide uncontrollably down a steep
slope.
I wonder what have I done to have ever deserved this, I do
know how I've been a dope.
I've done so many stupid things in my
life I wish I could change.
No doubt many if not al would label me
in society as deranged.
I always feel like it's a chore to get
outta bed in the morning.
Everytime my body wakes up I feel
nothing but disappointment.
I know each day may start out quiet but it'll quickly change to me getting bitched at.
Living
with this on a constant basis
I wonder how I survive to live among
the races.
Tryin to drown myself in video games, movies or music.
But in retrospec it's peace that I do seek.
- Shane Diamond -
The
Spiral
It seems that everyday my life is twisting itself more
and more into it's own spiral.
A spiral of confusion and
misleadment.
Confusion for what can I do that's right by the one
who claims she's a parental figure.
Misleadment for trying to be
myself but also trying to keep the peace in the house.
The spiral
has started out rather loose but since it's grown tight.
As the
spiral gets squeezed tighter you see blood rise up from it.
The
blood isn't anyone's inparticular but it's blood from the anger.
As
the spiral continues to spin with no point of slowing down.
The
spiral continues to be apart of an everyday thing.
Is it possible
to stop the spiral from spinning and creating confusion.
Perhaps
only time shall tell.
-
Shane Diamond -
Society
I've
always been so sick of society.
It always portray these perfect
little beings that get into life.
While the rest of us must sit
out from the good things and rot.
Slowly from our brains to our
teeth.
Just rotting away in hopes of getting chosen for this game
of life.
Like playing tag and always being picked last or never at
all.
If your
not perfect you don't fit into societies rules.
The ones who look
different have to do awful things.
Putting themselves in positions
they wish they could drown out.
Selling there bodies in ways that
can't even be dreamed.
Society has raped many innocent lives.
-
Shane Diamond -
Always My
Fault
No matter what happens in this house I always get
blamed.
From shit that I've done to shit my brother has done.
I
always get yelled at for it.
Never makes any sense to me one
bit.
I can't even understand why she would want to have 3 kids.
If
the first two get treated like royalty while I get dumped on.
Perhaps
that was the plan all this time for me to get constantly dumped on.
Back in
October of 81 I popped out and the joy was head by them.
The joy
to know that they could take out there verbal frustrations on the new
son.
No wonder
I am the way that I am.
No wonder I act the way I act.
No wonder I shy away from everything.
No wonder I stay the fuck away from everything.
No wonder I never stand up for myself.
No wonder
I hate myself.
- Shane Diamond -
Yell and
Scream
No wonder why I have constant headaches.
You never
speak to me a quite tone.
You YELL you SCREAM.
I'm forced to
put up with it, to the point of me laying down in the evenings.
To try to
calm my headaches and to calm myself down from flying off the deep
end.
I can't stand this no more.
I don't know how much I can
take.
I've been through enough.
Life is rough enough without
having to deal with this.
- Shane Diamond -
The
Voices
In the evenings I lay down.
I lay down to try to
stop the voices.
I can't stand hearing them even though it ruins
my sleep at night.
The voices spawn from you screaming and giving
me shit.
They cause pounding headaches and mass pain.
They
cause my eyes to twitch.
They cause me to want to sleep to try to
shut them out.
When I sleep I'm at peace, I don't hear nothing.
At
times I dream horrid dreams.
I dream horrid nightmares.
I wake up
at night and can't sleep.
Since in order to make the voices
stop.
I have to crawl into bed.
I have to sleep.
I have to
rest in the darkness.
- Shane Diamond -
Inner Demons
I can't
help but try to turn the thoughts of my past off in my head, not
wanting to think about what I've done and wonder why I'm not
dead.
I've continued to be haunted by the ones in my closet that
continue to let me know that they still exsist.
I know when my
lifeline turns to a flatline I'll really be wearing the horns on my
head.
As I won't be going to heaven when I'm dead.
I'll be in
hell, much worse than I can even imagine.
I've never been good
enough to be accepted by anyone.
Always picked last in
sports.
Always got the lowest grades.
Always got picked on &
harrassed.
Always turned my back and walked.
Anytime I roamed I
roamed alone.
Nobody wanted to be seen with me.
At times I
wonder how someone would want to be seen with me.
- Shane
Diamond -
In The
Dark
All my life and all the time I'm in the dark.
Constantly
in my room with the lights off.
No sound no flicker of
light..
Only the glow from my moniter.
Spending
every minute of my life online.
As I have friends surround me in
the darkness.
In the
darkness I feel safe.
I feel as if I can't be seen so I can't be
spoke to.
Perhaps I'm just getting ready for when my time comes to
the finish.
I can't
help but to feel that I have to constantly prepare.
Prepare for
the worse and expect much more.
Always sitting in the dark.
Trying
to do things for friends.
Talking to many of them.
As if
they're voices inside my head.
In the dark is where I continue
to live.
- Shane Diamond -
You Never
Do Anything
No matter what I do you constantly tell me I never
do anything.
It's not
my fault you over look everything that I do.
When your favorite
son does nothing all the time you dump it on me.
Constantly you keep on dumping it on me, am I suppose to do everything.
Am I
suppose to wipe his ass and open his beer and pay him.
Since lord
knows he does so fucking much around this fucking house.
No wonder
half the time I sit in my room and not say a word to either of you.
I feel as
if I might as well sit here dead so that you can constantly bitch.
If
I was dead you wouldn't even know, cause according to you I do
nothing.
Not a
single day goes by that I don't wonder if you'd realize if I was
dead.
I don't know what more to say.
Cause nothing I could ever do would make you happy.
-
Shane Diamond -
The World
Is Sick
The world is sick, it's disease is green.
It comes
on paper and they call it money.
It's how everyone runs there
lives.
If you have none then you are nothing.
If you have it all then you are everything.
It's the
root of everything that is evil.
It makes good people do bad
things.
It makes people do things they regret.
Turning
people to savages.
Turning people to suicidalists.
The world is
sick.
The world is dying.
The world is sick.
The world is
dying.
THE WORLD
IS SICK.
THE WORLD IS DY-ING
- Shane Diamond -
You
Stressin Me Out
You got me stressin everytime you talk to me.
Each time you open them lips I gotta close my eyes and count to three.
Tryin to keep myself calm.
Trying to keep the sweat from my palms.
I can't help but stress I feel like I'm stuck.
In a place that I don't want to be anymore.
All the bad shit happening all around me got me freakin.
I don't know what to do, keep lookin for the easy answers.
When there
isn't any.
Is there an easy way out.
Do I want that.
Do I need that.
Should I go for it.
You stressin me out.
What the fuck am I gonna do.
You stressin me out.
You stressin me out.
- Shane Diamond -
Keepin 2 Myself
Here I
sit, in the room alone.
Keepin to myself.
Listenin to music to try an keep myself calm.
People thinkin I need more friends.
Thinkin that I need somethin else to do.
Thinkin way too much about what I'm doin.
I'm tryin to work on my hobbies and stuff I find fun.
Things I
can do when your home.
Since there are things I want to do but
can't when your home.
I'm shy.
I keep to myself.
I don't be playing singing video games when your home.
I don't be recording my voice when your home.
I keep to myself.
All quiet like.
I stay in silent mode.
Which is tough as of late knowing that he's home so I can't do anything.
Which is building shit up.
Its makin me put shit off more and more.
I wish we had out own place.
Wish I could do what I want when I want.
-
Shane Diamond -
The Moon
Rises
As the moon rises in the dead of night.
I know that
it's only a matter of time before they goto bed.
I know that it's only a lil bit longer before she comes home.
Knowing what's going on are two different things.
Knowing
that when the sun rises I wish the darkness would return.
Watching
the moon hang over head shining down upon us.
As the children of the moon.
Knowing that we'll forever dance in it's glory.
Knowing
that we'll forever live in it's light.
THE MOON RISES
-
Shane Diamond -
Alright
I want to thank all of you whom downloaded this title as I know this
is the first new release in quite sometime in regards to 4E Inc, we
have a bunch more stuff coming up just keep your eyes on our site
(http://4Einc.vze.com )
We'll always trying to do something to get
something released to y'all as the site is 70% done right now I still
want to add more stuff to it to make it a better site as perhaps
it'll be the best site that 4E Inc has ever had....
So thanks
again for downloading this feel free to send all questions and
comments to:
4EverInc@gmail.com
We'll do our best to reply to
ya.
Thanks again;
Shane Diamond