RAGE
by
Kandence Parker
SMASHWORDS EDITION
*****
PUBLISHED BY:
Kadence Parker on Smashwords
RAGE
Copyright Kadence Parker 2011
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*****
RAGE
INK
You are burned into my skin.
It won't wash away no matter how hard I scrub.
You will always be there.
I will always be reminded.
How is haunts me.
How it follows me.
How it moves with me.
How could I have been such a fool and let this happen.
What was I thinking.
It wasn't for love.
It wasn't for me.
It was for show.
To show you the love I had.
A mistake. My mistake.
I have been blinded.
Now I am left to live with this with every step I take.
You lied.
You falsely loved.
You played me for a fool.
I trusted you.
You took my hand and pulled me down to hell.
Farther than hell.
I am trapped with no way out.
Just staring. Staring at what is there.
You.
It was you all along.
Thats what you wanted and that is what you got.
You laughed and made jokes.
Threw things at my window.
Graffitied my car, my belongings.
It was all a joke, all lies.
How could I have been so blind.
This is yet the one thing that I regret.
The one thing that I wish I could take back.
To erase, erase the memory of you.
Never again. Never again will I speak of you.
Never again will I look in the direction of which you stand.
Never again. Never again.
Never again will I waste my breathe on such an evil being.
Never, I mean never again will I look at this ink.
Burned into my skin as it mocks me.
Burned into my wrist in which this ink sits upon it.
Slit is for my wrist and all the pain you caused.
Slit is for my wrist with all the fingers pointed.
Slit is for my wrist for ever trusting you.
For ever knowing you.
Blood that is lost, that I will never have again.
Blood that is lost, in honor of you.
Blood is the color of fire that burned in my eyes.
That burned you there.
There on my skin, upon my wrist.
Gone.
Finally.
As so am I....
APOLOGIES
My only mistake was not loving you the way I should of.
It's my fault that you are not here with me today.
It's my fault that you lost all hope. I'm sorry. So sorry.
I understand and take full credit for everything that has happened between us.
I wish I could take it back.
I wish I could turn back time.
I wish we could start over.
I needed you to give me a chance, but it is to late.
You are the only one I have ever loved.
The only one that I could ever trust my heart with.
The only one that made me whole.
I will always love you and I am sorry.
I am sorry it had to happen this way, I truly am.
I cry every night
Thinking, wondering
Why I did what I did.
If only time could tell and warn me not to go down that route.
To pull me back.
To help me back to shore and point me in the right direction.
Stay by my side and help me through this.
Mistakes I have made will never be the same.
For I had done the damage that I will live with from this point on.
You were the only thing that kept me sane.
The only thing that kept my heart beating.
Beating for you, only you.
Just to hear your voice, and feel your touch.
To kiss those lips that made me wild.
You were the only one for me, and it will remain the same forever adn beyond.
Til the end of time. Until I rot for what I have done.
Paying for the damage that cannot be repaired.
Seems like just yesterday we were happy.
Laughing, hugging, together.
We were together every waking moment.
You were my dreams.
You were my everything.
You held the key to my whole being.
You changed my way of life, my way of thinking.
You made me complete.
You showed me the ropes and held my hand.
You guided me and showed me your love.
You loved me.
I loved you.
Still love you, no matter what.
I loved you with all my heart and more.
You took my innocence and will be the only one for me.
I'm sorry, really I am.
I punish myself everyday for what I have done.
I am no longer complete and continuing to fall apart.
Now I visit you everyday at the same time,
Rain or shine.
To this day I cry about that very night.
I was so stupid and took you for granite.
But I loved you, more than you will ever know.
My love for you will stain my heart as the the tears stained my cheeks forever.
Without you.
It's all my fault.
I dont deserve to breathe this air.
TO use my lungs.
To fight this fight.
To live like this another day.
I visit you hoping the pain would get easier to deal with.
I come to see you.
I come to see you on my hands and knees.
Knealing before you.
Where you now lay.
Deep down.
Underneath it all.
Theres no way out.
I would do anything to trade places with my love.
I should'nt of made you drink it.
I should of stopped you.
Someone was playing a trick on me, I swear.
I did'nt know this would happen this way.
I love you. I love you so much.
Your mine and forever will be.
Please forgive me.
Please forgive me.
HAPPY ENDINGS
Bright and brilliant.
Beaming with light.
From sun up til sun down.
Its life as we know it.
Rainbows fill the sky when its tears have washed away.
Smiles appear when its safe to go out and play.
The children laugh and play til dusk.
Their smiles disappear and frowns take its place.
Its life as we know it.
The good and the bad is what we have.
The best and the worst is yet to come.
We follow the path of those who lead.
Us down this road with no way back.
Its life as we know it.
No longer will we look over our shoulders to see what is lurking behind.
We look up to the sky to see through the clouds.
We see what was and not forgotten.
Heads held high with cheers on our side.
The bad has passed and the good has come back to visit.
Vacation is over.
This is life as we know it.
Life as we live it.
Life as we share it.
Life to hold onto.
The love for life.
Life as we know it.
The storm is over.
FOUND
You picked me up when I was down.
You turned my frown right side up.
You gave me something I had never felt.
You gave me hope.
You gave me you.
You gave me a better life.
You made me whole.
My life has never seen better days.
With you.
Without you I'd be buried.
Probaly.
You saved me.
You mean so much to me.
I appreciate you.
More than you might ever know.
I'd do anything for you.
But you deserve better than I.
You say I'm better than better.
As good as it gets.
You been in the same places I have been to.
You been in the slums.
You been on the streets.
You have lived out of your car.
You have done it all.
You changed your life.
You changed for the better.
Now your a success.
And I am your leech.
Afraid to let go.
Tired of trying.
Feeling like giving up.
Feeling like leaving.
Walking out and never returning.
That was then.
To the present, here on out, I will turn around.
I will love you the same.
I will be better.
You are heaven sent.
You found me.
Now we live in a special place.
Inseperable.
Holding hands
Staying up late
Watching the stars.
Clouds during the day, break up and seperate.
Rain reappears only to trample on the dreams.
Dreams that were planted with this very soil of love.
Dreams which were planted in hopes of a better future.
Dreams that were planted with these hands.
A sprout.
A stem.
A flower bud.
A rose.
A rose.
A rose of love.
A from of change.
A rose of us.
A beautiful red rose has found us.
THE USUAL CRIME
The lips of a killer. My lips.
You kiss the lips of your worst nightmare.
You kissed the lips for who loves you most.
For you have created who I am today.
Anything.
There isn't anything that I wouldn't do for you.
For us.
Nothing.
Nothing in this world can stop me from taking what is mine.
I do as you asked and you are pleased.
The extent that one would go to for loove is to the moon.
We share the drink that is left of what was.
Destroyed the past to build the future.
Exterminating life as we know it.
No one can reach us.
No one will know it was us.
No one would dare think such non-sense.
I prove to you everyday that I would do anything foryou.
To keep us alive.
To keep us together.
To keep us strong.
Then you asked.
The deed was done. Fast. Messy.
No slip ups were to be made.
For I am a profesional at work.
For I am on top.
For I am your only one.
One less person to drive us apart.
One less soul to wish bad things on us.
One less bitch in my way.
For what I have is all I need.
I would do anything for you.
Anything.
I would kill for you.
What ever it took to make us whole.
Anything and everything.
I have killed for you.
I told you anything I would do.
The deed is done.
The deed is complete, as we.
MEMORIES
Thunder cracks.
Cracks like a whip.
A whip for a naughty one.
A whip for justice.
A whip of hatred.
Lightning strikes.
Strikes all the pins down.
Knocks them right out their lanes.
Lightning flashes.
Flashes on out faces.
FLashes on your crying face.
A woman cries.
Cries aloud.
She screams, she shouts.
No one comes.
No one hears her and no one will come.
Suffering and fighting for dear life.
Her life was on the line.
She screwed up worst than before.
She let us down.
She abandoned us.
She watched us get beat.
She watched.
She didn't help us.
She stared and turned away.
We cried.
We cried for her.
We cried for you.
We shouted for him to stop but you didn't come to our rescue.
Did you hate us?
Did you not love us?
Did you not care for us?
Did you not want us?
You were all we had, mom.
You were all we needed, mom.
We loved you mom.
But you didn't love us back.
Why not mom?
Why didnt you love us the same way?
You liked seeing us get hurt.
Did you like seeing us get hurt?
You did this on purpose.
Didn't you.
You hated us.
You wanted us gone.
You set this all up.
I knew it all along, mom.
I knew you wished death on us, mom.
I knew you wanted to watch, mom.
I knew you set this up, mom.
Now look.
Now look mom the tables have turned.
The tables have turned in our favor.
How fair is that mom?
Does it hurt you as much as it hurt us.
I love you mom.
I loved you.
You are nothing but a stranger to me.
I can move on from the past but will enjoy my future.
Without you.
You son of a bitch.
Die.Die.Die.
Please die mom.
Don't hold on to life mom.
You are no longer wanted.
You are no longer needed.
I lost my arm for you, remember mom.
I will never be the same.
Shame on you mother.
Shame on you mom.
Shame on you, you bitch.
Rot to pieces mom.
I loved you.
I trusted that you would protect us like you said.
You lied.
You lied like always.
I was sad.
I was hurt.
I was right.
Dad was right.
He was right all along.
I can't believe you.
I wish I never met you.
You are dead to me now.
Now I hold your faith in my hands.
Now I decided wether you deserve to breathe again.
Now I decided wether you get to see again.
I decided wether your heart beats again.
Lightning strikes and thunder cracks.
Thunder cracks and lightning strikes.
Like a pin.
Like a whip.
May you rest.
May you rest.
Mom.
RAGE
It fills my head.
It fills my eyes.
It fills them to the edge of breaking.
It fills the rim of tears that emerge from my surface.
Down through my neck.
Down to my arms. TO my hands.
Right through my fingers.
Around to my back, it aches in pain.
Over to my stomach is where it makes me uneasy.
To my legs that keep my steady.
To my feet which are planted to the soil.
It has a mind of its own.
It has a voice of which is not mine.
It fills my soul.
Theres no turning back.
It fills me everytime you look my way.
It mocks me as you speak.
It hates me as I turn away.
It finds me where I am no where to be found.
It haunts me in the middle of the day.
It stares me down.
Theres no running away from it.
It is you.
For you have caused all that has bottled up inside me.
It is you that I cant control what happens next.
You're the problem, and I am your solution.
With one deadly drug you will be begging for dear life.
With one deadly hand you will be breatheless for the last time.
With one deadly hit you will be out like a light.
With one deadly fist you will no longer be.
The one deadly thing that tops it all.
That hides in the dark, but is yet my shadow.
The one deadly things that has followed me for years.
The one thing that was able to catch up to me and strike me down.
And the one thing that has helped me over come.
RAGE.
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